I like cows... There friends of the sheep... I like cows... with their skinny feet... In just a few hours I'll be rocking out to the best local band since The Replacements. Actually, the 'Burbs pre-dated the 'Mats, but they were on the same label.

The Twin Cities' best-loved, most danceable geek-rock band has reunited many times without much prompting since its split in 1987. For this week's three reunion gigs, though -- their first since 1993 -- the members have three good reasons: "In Combo," "Credit in Heaven" and "Love Is the Law," the first three of their four studio albums, all were reissued on CD this summer. These early '80s nuggets have done good business locally and sound surprisingly great by today's standards. So the material feels almost as fresh as the first time.

And another promotional spot from City Pages which is pretty good even if they do take a poke at Paul Westerberg...

And another article from the Pioneer Press.

What an interesting day to say the least. I just started digging through some of the old boxes I retrieved from the farm. I'm only about half-way through the first box and I'm literally shocked at all of the stuff--memories--I've uncovered. I have hundreds of pages of hand-written pages--stories, horrible poems, journal entries, and other odd assortments. For example, here was a bit of a stand-up comedy routine I was working on back in high school. Man, what was I thinking?

I have the worst luck with women. I'm the type of guy that would get a social disease from a Hershey's kiss. Yeah, instead of Herpes, I'd get Hershey's Simplex #3. I'm trying to cut down on my chocolate intake, though. The other day I washed a shirt, only I left one of thes hershey kisses in my pocket. It came out with a chocolate smudge. I figured, 'what the hell, I'll wear it anyways..." [pause for effect] Four fat girls followed me around until noon, remarking on my fabulous cologne. Now, don't get me wrong though. I have nothing against fat girls -- I love pregnant women. Someday I hope to marry one [pause] ... cause I figure I don't want any children of my own. I have bad genes. No, I really do. You follow my family tree back 3 generations and you're at primordial soup... Lately I've been re-evaluating my life. I think it started at Thanksgiving. The only thing I could come up with to be thankful for was that Vanna White's not dyslexic... Seriously though, I remember my first date -- the girl invited me to her house because her parents were in New Mexico. I remember looking up at those big beautiful eyes as she said "I'll make you anything you want. What do you hunger for?..." [pause] To this day, I have no idea what made me say Stroganoff. I have nightmares about it, you know?...

Yeah. Precious, I know. Sigh. And then there were a few short stories. I scanned in a couple, just for amusement. The first was my earliest story, written when I was quite young, and another was written when I was about 12 or so. It's about a guy who's rescued from a deserted island off New Zealand after over 50 years of living in isolation. Pretty funny stuff. Anyway, for your reading enjoyment, here's some of the early Brian stories.

I've also found envelopes filled with newpaper clippings (I think I may have been obsessive/compulsive -- thank god THAT's passed), articles, sheet music (like the drum part to "Hogan's Heroes" theme song), an old script for a high school play I was in. I've also found some truly bizarre things, like an essay I did on "Keebler Elves and the Utopian Ideal" and a script (my first screenplay) for an Episode of "In Search Of...", where Leonard Nimoy searches for the refreshing great taste behind CERTS breath mints. Like I said, I'm re-discovering what an odd kid I really was. Most of this stuff I haven't seen in over 15 years... Anyway, I'll scan in more stuff over time. I'm just remembering what a dork I was... (That god THAT's passed)...

You are the good ol' thumb! You are the family one, the one who not necessarily everyone loves but the one who everyone can't live without. Always willing to lend a hand or comfort a friend when they need it.

Which finger are you?Take the quiz to find out.

Crime and Punishment

This just in!... Dutch cops are wimps. Duh.

Here's the complete transcript of Randy Moss' apology and whatnot... I mean, it's like sayin' your sorry, ya know, but your not sorry cause trouble comes lookin' for him, ya know what I'm sayin', and I'm down with that and whatnot, and like, yeah...

Okay, YOU figure out what he's saying. I only speak English.

An interesting historical perspective on the War with Iraq from noted historian Arthur Schlesinger, titled The Immorality of Preventive War: "The hardest strokes of heaven," the English historian Sir Herbert Butterfield has written, "fall in history upon those who imagine that they can control things in a sovereign manner, playing providence not only for themselves but for the far future--reaching out into the future with the wrong kind of farsightedness, and gambling on a lot of risky calculations in which there must never be a single mistake." The mistake in this case? Bush.

And here's another (rather long) look if you're interested. The Atlantic did a very comprehensive piece looking at what would happen if we DID go to war with Iraq. "...As a rule, the strongest advocates of pre-emptive attack, within the government and in the press, had neither served in the military nor lived in Arab societies. Military veterans and Arabists were generally doves. And, similar to Schlesinger's assertions, they make similar observations: If we had to choose a single analogy to govern our thinking about Iraq, my candidate would be World War I... The Great War is also relevant as a powerful example of the limits of human imagination: specifically, imagination about the long-term consequences of war.

So, that's my serious reading for the day. Now back to our regularly scheduled idiocy...

I'm bored. Hey, I know! Let's play... Gothopoly! Okay, but only if I get to be the studded nipple ring!...

Some pictures from Saturday's Oktoberfest celebration over at the Gasthaus Bavarian Hunter.

Here's a group photo taken underneath a Toilets sign. Charming.

I have no idea what Jung and Karen are doing, but I say just given them whatever they want...

That's right, a rare photo of me doing that little bird dance thingie, which in my case looks remarkably like the Pee Wee Herman dance.

So, it was a fun evening. Here's some more fun links for today. Here's a great collection of pranks, all harmless, but quite funny. I spent a good portion of yesterday giggling as I read through some of these. The Chad prank is probably my favorite. THIS guy has way to much time on his hands, and yes, I envy that... Check out the rest of his site -- Cockeyed.com. Made for idiots, BY idiots...

Busy day so far... Here's list of the world's thinnest books... Takes a while to load, but still funny.

Just got a message from my good friends Barb & Jeff. At 1:09 this afternoon they had a bouncing baby girl (I'm not sure about the bouncing part, but most babies bounce, don't they?) Nineteen inches and 7 lbs. 1 oz. They haven't finalized on the name yet, but I'm still lobbying for Farrah... Congrats!

Anybody else watch Push, Nevada last night? It's supposed to be the new Twin Peaks type of series, but so far I'm a bit skeptical. The season opener was FAR less intriguing than Twin Peaks' "Who Killed Laura Palmer?" episode. Besides, instead of edgy David Lynch producing the series, this one's got Ben Affleck at the helm, and I'm just not crazy about that guy.

Still, the show does have some redeeming values. 1) it's got a game. If you follow the clues in the show (which are mysteriously hidden), you can actually win the 'stolen money' at the end of the season. But, that sounds like too much work to me. And 2), it's got some nifty web support. For example, you can visit the fictional Push Times newspaper, or the Push Chamber of Commerce, or the Versailles Casino.

We'll have to see what happens in episode 2, but the best thing about it so far is that it doesn't star Matt Damon. Thank you for that, at least...

Nostalgia

If nostalgia is a sickness, I think have a very serious and chronic affliction. Man, what an odd weekend. My dad is getting ready to sell the farm (where I grew up), so I went out to rummage through stuff and take some mementos. Holy smokes, it was like the best garage sale in the world. I found a bunch of old childhood stuff -- my baseball glove, my favorite stuffed animal (a monkey), old drawings, school papers and programs, my comic books, etc. Total gold mine for reminiscing. I still haven't even begun to sort through most of it. You might see little bits on this site once I start the sifting process...

I also took a bunch of African artifacts. My parents spent a couple of years teaching in East Africa (Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda) in the early 60's, and they came back with all sorts of African stuff. Spears, shields, drums, musical instruments, jewelry, statues and idols, stools, and some rather bizarre items. Anyway, I collected up a bunch of that stuff as well. My basement looks like Pier One imports right now. Again, I'm sure a lot of this stuff will creep up onto the web site once I start going through it and cleaning it up...

So, it was an interesting weekend to say the least. I found stuff that I thought had been lost forever...

More on that later. Here's a couple more bits about Rushdie -- an article from the strip, Salman Rushdie dares to 'Step Across This Line' in provocative essays and an excerpt from the book.

NEWS FLASH!!! If you live and Florida and have seen a Brown Dog, that's a B-R-O-W-N dog, please contact the authorities immediately...

Sigh. You know what? We need to just dredge a canal and make Florida it's own country? Maybe a new Palestinian homeland or something. They're just too stupid to be part of the US. That's right, I said too stupid!

Yesterday a group of us from work went over to check out the Hard Rock Cafe grand opening on the new Block E. On the plus side, the food was pretty good. Nothing fancy, but they did know how to make a burger and fries. The negative side, it embodies pretty everything I despise about chain restaurants. The waiter was goofy and obnoxious ("Do want to an appetizer? Do you want a salad? Do you want dessert? How about a Pepsi? Would you like to try our Extreme Fajitas?") You know, there's nothing wrong with the subtle upsell, but just take it easy, okay pal? Also, tons of 'flair' (link is sound file from movie 'Office Space')... Flair are the stupid little buttons that TGI-Friday-like folks stick to their 'uniforms', and the Hard Rock has them in spades...

Anyway, the opening kicked off with Minneapolis' dorky mayor smashing a guitar... poorly. It took him about 10 whacks before the guitar splintered. R.T. sucks as a rock star...

Equally appalling is the merchandising arm of this chain. I couldn't believe the lines of people that were just waiting to buy crap -- pins, T-shirts, shot glasses, whatever... From a marketing point of view, the folks at Hard Rock are geniuses. For my tastes, it's just another over-hyped theme restaurant.

As to the decor, it's okay I guess. We sat underneath the Soul Asylum memorabilia section, which was only slightly cooler than being in the George Thorogood or Deep Purple sections... Anyway, this place was a morbid curiousity, and it's a shocking contrast to the corner that sports First Ave on the other side. Speaking of which, I'm getting my Suburbs tickets today. The show is on 9/30, with others following 10/01 and 10/02...

That's it for today... Oh, if you need a laugh, read this story about some Dutch guy who trips on a rock, falls in a canal, and ends up naked and covered in orange paint. His name is Freek. Oh, and he's Dutch... did I mention that?

Last year, I remember racing all around town to get tickets to the Salman Rushdie reading, as he was kicking off the new season of Talking Volumes -- the Twin Cities Book Club sponsored by the Strib, the Loft, and MPR. After several trips to the Fitgerald Theater box office, and a mad dash to Wayzata to some small book shop, I finally got them. I was excited. Rushdie's my favorite author, and I just wanted to listen to the guy talk for a bit -- to read selections from his novel "Fury", or answer questions about living life under a death sentence imposed by the Ayatollah Khomeini. That was last Sept. 11.

Needless to say, he didn't make the show.

But yesterday, I'm happy to say that I got a ticket to his next scheduled appearance, which is going to be Oct. 2 -- again kicking off the Talking Volumes book club season. Rushdie will discuss his new book, "Step Across This Line," a collection of essays on subjects ranging from world politics and terrorism to pop culture. Hearing him talk this year will be even more relevant. Some words on this day from Rushdie, on a variety of topics.

Rushdie re-emerges, dares others to be bold.

Rushdie's experiences during the fatwa gave him a special perspective on the events of Sept. 11, that of someone whose passion for freedom was reinforced by having experienced its loss. ``Don't be terrorized. Don't let fear rule your life. Even if you are scared,'' he urged in a column for the New York Times. ``We must agree on what matters: kissing in public places, bacon sandwiches, disagreement, cutting-edge fashion, literature, generosity, water, a more equitable distribution of the world's resources, movies, music, freedom of thought, beauty, love. These will be our weapons. Not by making war, but by the unafraid way we choose to live shall we defeat them.''

His NY Times Editorial after Sept. 11 -- Yes, this IS about Islam.

His Washington Post Editorial -- Fighting the forces of invisibility.

Two more interesting bits on Rushdie. One, some conspiracy theorists have made an issue out of this, suggesting that the US government knew of airline security issues immediately before the Sept. 11 attacks. And lastly, there is some justice in the world. Salman is dating a super-model / actress / author / chef. I was going to call him a lucky guy, but... well, let's just say he's 'deserving'...

And I hope he has a bacon sandwich today...

This one's from my brother: Need to switch your boring old answering machine message? Well, here's some ideas. My favorite: Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Here's an interesting idea for what to do with all of those extra mousepads you seem to have... Now, what to do with those AOL promotional CD's?... Hmmm...

You know what one of my guilty little pleasures in life is? Watching those movie trailers before a feature film in a theater. I actually LIKE those. Unfortunately, now with DVD's, I don't see nearly as many as I'd like. And here's a little story about the man -- ONE MAN -- who's voice appears on nearly all of them. In a world beyond imagination... Only ONE man... Even funnier is this trailer for Jerry Seinfeld's new movie about the guy who makes the trailers doing a trailer for Jerry's new movie. Follow that? Oh, just watch it. It's funny.

The Suburbs are reuniting for a new series of concerts at First Avenue later this month. All original members will be performing. I am soooo psyched. This is definitely one show you don't want to miss. They performed their last reunion concert at First Ave. about 7 or 8 years ago.

In other music news, check out Peter Gabriel's new video The Barry Williams Show, which was directed by Sean Penn. It's not his best work, but still interesting. Minneapolis is on the list for future tour dates (between Nov.15 - Dec. 15), so this will be another show on my calendar.

Ever wonder what happened to Lipps, Inc., the band from Mpls. with the one-hit-wonder "Funkytown" (note: sound on this site, so make sure your speaker volume is set appropriately)?

Another McSweeney's list: Local TV Weatherman or Porn Actor?

What are you doing on Sept. 19th? Arrgh! Find out here, matey...

Want to date Superman? Well, good luck ladies. No longer living in Metropolis, he's now taken up residence in America's other crime-ridden city -- St. Cloud. Here's the sexy picture I took of one Mr. Clark Kent at the Minnesota St. Fair. Nice.

Was Gilligan's Island a morality tale? Hmmm. Let's see...

Pride - the Professor
Covetousness - Mr. Howell
Lust - Ginger
Anger - Mrs. Howell
Gluttony - the Skipper
Envy - Mary Ann
Sloth - Gilligan

Yep. There you have it. All the 7 deadly sins represented. More coconut cream pie, anyone?...

Here's one of my favorite State Fair quotes from F. Scott Fitzgerald, from his short story A Night At The Fair, from The Basil and Josephine Stories.

Now, back to more stupid stuff...

Visit the Ad Graveyard, with rejected Ad campaigns. (Note: You have to hit the barely visible "More" text to keep scrolling through ads...

Have you checked out America's funniest police log lately?

And lastly, make sure you check out the Fall 2002 TV lineup...

The clock has been restarted. Let the countdown begin to the 2003 State Fair.

Also, click on the State Fair Pics to see the complete photo gallery for this year's fair. I have now officially attended the State Fair every day this century, with a total of 36 consecutive day's attendance... Crazy, I know. Anyway, starting tomorrow I'l be back to posting inane drivel again...

And so it ends... Twelve days of summer... I'll write more later this week once I've had some time to reflect (digest)... Here's the final set... DAY TWELVE...

Day 11 pictures.

Day 10. This time, more night pictures...