Do you know the way to San Jose? I do, and unfortunately it involves a layover in Phoenix. I'll be out this week at the VON show in the heart of Silicon Valley. I'm not sure what posting I'll be able to do, but we'll see...

How about some blues for a Monday morning...

Debunking the media scare over SARS, the new super-pneumonia that's ravaging the world...

Bah. Time to go pack. Looks like it's going to rain all week, so I better find my umbrella...

More puzzling recommendation engines. On Netflix, If you liked Raging Bull, you'd also like My First DVD. "Rhymin' Time" features Phylicia Rashad in a hip collection of nursery rhymes set to music; "Storytime" features the music and voice of Arlo Guthrie as he tells classic children's stories; "Singing Time" features Judy Collins singing famous children's poems set to music; and "Bedtime" features Judy Collins singing favorite lullabies.

And then Joe Pesci whacks 'em all... Because he's funny... funny like a clown... here to amuse you, make you laugh...

From the producers who brought you "Opening Al Capone's Vault" comes another exhilerating program. Just how high with a 2600 lb. rubber band ball bounce when it's dropped from a plane?

Weight Watcher recipe cards are brilliant. Make food so gross that you'll eventually lose weight...

One of my favorite politicians has passed away. Pat Moynihan's gone to that great big conference committee in the sky.

Anti-sodomy law reaches the Supreme Court. Clarence Thomas gets out his tape recorder, some popcorn, and a can of coke...

Rep. Arlon Linder, apparently, has the same dexterity as you or me...

and this one time... at band camp... Really bad band jokes.

Very busy this week. Just a few things.

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Do you speak Caddyshack? I'm pretty fluent in Caddyshack, This is Spinal Tap, Monty Python, and Dumb and Dumber. Big surprise, eh?

Some guys funny insights on the Oscars. How about seating Mickey Rooney in the last row, behind the sound board while Cuba Gooding, Jr. enjoys a 10th row seat. I guess he was running a dress rehearsal for next year, when he accepts an award for Boat Trip. Do they have an award for "Most Quickly Squandered Potential?"

Nasty e-mails to the Guilderland Police Dept. (These were the morons that arrested a guy in a shopping mall for wearing a "Give Peace A Chance" T-shirt).

Take the Road Rage test... or not. It's kind of stupid.

Check out your Homestarrunner fortune cookie...

Where's your hand?... In between 2 pillows... Those aren't pillows!!! New stupid dating idea: Dinner in the dark.

Not too much to add today. I got a ReplayTV and played around with that for a bit. I taped the Oscar's last night, so I'll "fast forward" through that tonight. The coolest part of the replay TV is that you can actually program shows from the internet. So, like right now, if I wanted to watch South Park or Billy Madison or a MTV Spring Break Marathon... I can program all of that from work. Yeah, I think this is going to revolutionize they way I watch bad television.

Here's an interesting site called Gnovies. Put in a movie title that you like and it recommends others that you might like, based on Amazon's listings of other people that like the same thing (I think). Anyway, kind of fun.

War? What is it good for? (That's my only comment on the war situation...)

Interesting. Network analysis maps companies' informal structure. Want to know how your organization really works - who speaks to whom, who holds the power? Then study the flow of internal e-mail, say scientists... I say this is interesting because according to my tally, the real power in my company lies in herbal viagra, live webcam girls, and low rate mortgages. But, I could have guessed that anyway...

Monty Python fans again set their aim at G.W. and his k-nnnnnigots!... NEE! NEE!

"Not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me." It seems that Farmer Ted had a nervous breakdown and it's going to cost him. I wonder what that will do to 32 Candles, the sequel to one of the most important films of my over-impressionable youth (the link go's to Brian's World - YEAH!). The latest gossip is that Molly Ringwald will return as 32-year-old Sam to rekindle a romance with The Geek. Oh my. I have to admit, I do have a morbid curiosity about this one.

On films, I've heard mixed reviews on the Lawrence Kasdan adaptation of Steven King's Dreamcatcher. It was written by William Goldman who wrote All the President's Men, Marathon Man, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, The Princess Bride, Misery, and a bunch of others. Kasdan directed Body Heat and The Big Chill, and actually wrote the screenplays to Raiders of the Lost Ark, and 2 of the star wars movies -- The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. I'm reading Goldman's classic Adventures in the Screen Trade right now. Very interesting to anyone who likes movies.

Monica Lewinsky's hosting the new reality TV show, Mr. Personality. The men "must rely strictly on their personalities to captivate" the woman, Fox said. And everyone knows Monica is only interested in guys with personality.

Fan Checks. Pay to the Order Of: Six Hundred and Sixty-Six Dollars... Signed, OZZY.

Sick of reality TV shows? Yeah, me neither, BUT... This is the show I want to see produced. The adventures of Phillip Brock: Unconventional Detective.

You have to be a Monty Python fan to appreciate this, but the French taunt Bush for a second time.

So does Michael Moore.

The Ben & Jerry's alternative: Conservative ice cream.

Wonderful little quiz, titled simply Swiss, Swedish, Danish or Dutch?

Why is it that Swedish women are really good looking, and Swedish men are... well, here, you look.

The coolest toys ever.

Roger Ebert's Oscar picks. His prediction for the best adapted screenplay: "Adaptation" will win. Charlie Kaufman will not appear alone onstage, but will be joined by his imaginary twin Donald, played in disguise by either Nicolas Cage or director Spike Jonze. For the record, I predicted the SAME exact thing weeks ago, but then again, nobody really listens to me...

It's likely that Michael Moore will win best original screenplay for Bowling for Columbine. That sounds depressing. How about Bowling to Vegas instead.

I finally watched the restored version of Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window yesterday. Great movie.

New Mexico vs. John Ashcroft. Go New Mexico!!!

Per request: My Cat Hates U. This is a picture of Simon and Poesje, the poor souls who are forced to live with a Dutch guy and his wife.

Ashcroft must be behind this. Next, he'll target the "backside" of Mt. Rushmore, if you know what I mean.

Tiny parking spots.

Oldest human footprints found in volcano. A third track of 10 evenly spaced prints forms a straight line. There are also two animal tracks, possibly made by big dogs or wolves. Nobody knows how they died, but if they're dumb enough to go walking around a volcano with 2 wolves, well, they got their just desserts is what I say.

The Landmark Theater chain just purchased the Edina 4, thus giving even more screens to my favorite art-house movie chain. Now, just get a few over in St. Paul...

Update on Rep. Arlon Lindner:

Norm Coleman weighs in. Coleman calls Lindner's remarks deplorable and historically inaccurate.

Hometown doesn't seem to reflect his views."He's got to be a complete idiot," said Ron Gellerman, a 61-year-old cement contractor who was having lunch Tuesday in the 10-50 Club in "downtown" Corcoran, a formerly Irish and French hamlet consisting of a couple of bars, a Catholic church and a handful of shops.

There's a job for a mayor of a Scottish town that Lindner might be better suited for. Last year football club mascot H'Angus the Monkey caused a sensation by being elected as Mayor of Hartlepool.

My rant for the day. About 2 years ago I was infuriated by some redneck Minnesota legislator named Rep. Arlon Linder. Here was my post at that time (scroll to the bottom). This... (I'm at a loss for a word here) was claiming that the Dalai Lama was a cult leader and was offended by his presence in the hallowed Min-ee-sooo-ta capitol. Here's a snippet from the full text of his comments:

A Buddhist would say, "Why the big fuss about abortion and euthanasia? After all, we are all reincarnated over and over again in many lives, so why the big deal about ending one?"

You know? This is soooo true. If you run into Buddhists at the coffee shop, it's all just "kill, kill, kill"... what's the big deal. Kill the babies. Kill the sick. Them damn buddhists are just looking for an excuse to be reborn... Anyway, I also posted his comments and the story on plastic.com (see story), and exchanged some correspondence with Panini Mishap, as they had just featured him in their Cracker Watch page (a wonderful article, by the way). I just wanted to expose this guy for being ignorant, intolerant, and hateful.

Flash forward. So now what is our beloved hate-monger up to? Well, his intolerance for them filthy Buddhists now extends to Gays and Lesbians. Oh, and then he tries to fix things by claiming that the Gays and Lesbians are just turning this country into an African contintent.

Let's take a quick tally: Who has he offended more? Buddhists? Jews? Homosexuals? Africans?

Or Christians?

The good news is that an ethics complaint has been filed against him. I HOPE this jerk gets booted out of the legislature. Here's some reader comments from the Star Tribune.

Here's this web page: Rep. Arlon Lindner. Feel free to E-mail this jerk at... rep.arlon.lindner@house.mn. Or better yet, e-mail YOUR representative...

That's all for today. Rant mode off.

George Bush watched too much Roadrunner when he was a kid. Meep meep.

Fly paper airplanes at work.

I'll take a pack of Luckies, oh, and one of them Warhol's as well.

Part spam, part haiku. It's spamku.

The top 40 artists making music right now. I definitely don't agree with their #1 pick, but the rest of the list has some validity.

Yesterday, The Clash was inducted into the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame -- sadly, without Joe Strummer. According to strummernews.com, there's going to be a tribute show at the Turf Club on March 21st. Should be a good show.

And straight from the "What were they thinking" file, here's an interesting concert you might want to catch. Mannheim Steamroller is teaming up with C.W. McCall to do a new spoken word version of McCall's classic trucking tune, "Convoy".

Uh, Breaker One-Nine, this here's the Rubber Duck
You got a copy on me Pig-Pen? C'mon

Uh, yeah 10-4 Pig Pen, fer sure, fer sure
By golly it's clean clear to Flag-Town, C'mon

Uh, there's a... Steamroller in my rig. C'mon.

A Steamroller? Call the smokies. This might get some nasty kinda ugly. C'mon.

Cause we gotta great big convoy, rockin' through the night
Yeah we gotta great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?

Girl writes English essay in phone text shorthand. Gr8!

101 Art ideas you can do yourself.

Beavis and Butthead would probably implode if they sat through this lesson in Chemistry. Molecules with silly names.

2 thumbs up. Roger Ebert with some interesting commentary on public prayer.

I saw 2 new shows on HBO last night that I think I'm going to like. First, Bill Maher is back. At times like these, I am so glad there is the passionate voice of libertarian reason somewhere on the airwaves. Very controversial, but it's one of the few shows that actually dares to talk about unpopular things.

Second, Da Ali G Show. Now, if you look at the site, you'll realize how ridiculous this is. Now only does he look all pimped out, but he also speaks a unique dialect of hip-hop cockney. So, what makes this funny. Because SOMEHOW he's actually got interviews with real people who do not appear to be in on the joke. For example, this was last night's episode.

"Ali G interviews former U.N. Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali and tours the U.N. Ali G conducts a roundtable discussion of experts on religion. Borat gets a lesson in etiquette. Ali G talks to General Brent Scowcroft."

He would call the former UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros... Boutros... Boutros... Ghali, and he even get him to spell the French word for sh*t. And Scowcroft -- he was asking how much money it would've taken to "switch sides" during the Vietnam war, and then he would pretend to scare Brent as he finally gets the concept of the surprise attack.

Next week he's going to be talking with Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump. I can't wait.

I'm sure Ali G would like this -- Mac Daddy Mario 3.

What are you getting in your easter basket this year? This is so wrong on so many levels I can't even comment on it.

Hmmm. Dave Eggers is starting a new magazine.

And this is just funny. Walmart's a little confused about Tolkien's The Hobbit. Read the description.

You've heard of the Swiss Army Knife. Now, check out the French Army Knife.

No shirt, no shoes, no dice. Man arrested for wearing a T-shirt that reads "Give Peace A Chance". Glad Ashcroft's taking care of that pesky little first amendment.

I'm half Norwegian.

Town besieged by Turkeys. And it's not Washington, either. Cool. This would make a great Hitchcock sequel.

Busy today... Just a few links.

The shape of song.

What happened to the future?

Make Saint Patrick's day really fun this year -- learn how ta spake li' a Scotsman.

Oddball Minnesota. Redundant.

Terry Jones (of Monty Python fame) is taking his cue from George W. Bush.

Rent my chest. And, this guy's actually making money.

You are what you queue... Article about obsessive-compulsives who make this ridiculously long Netflix movie queues. Here's my list... 205 movies and counting... Yeah!!!

Scientist now believe that stupidity is a disease and can be cured. First candidates for human trials -- these guys. Then, John Ashcroft.

Does anybody in England share your name? I'm still unique -- nobody with my name! There are 219 John Ashcrofts, however. And only 2 Austin Powers.

The Hipster Handbook now has a web site. Deck!