Not Looking Stupid

I went over for a little in the morning, and then later when my friend Dan and his friend Casey came over. Dan was all concerned that I'd make him look stupid when I posted pictures on the site. Look, people -- I don't make anyone look stupid at the fair. Most people do a fine job of that all on their own. And Dan, doing an Alan Parsons Project light show in the DNR building -- that didn't help...



Yesterday's pics >.

My Own Private Idaho

I went to the B-52's/Suburbs show last night at the grandstand. Sadly, they don't allow cameras in -- so today's pictures are actually some ones I took earlier in the week. It was a pretty good show, but the attendance was a little disappointing. Anyway, good fun.



From earlier in the week -- more pics >.

And miles to go before I sleep...

I wasn't planning to spend all day at the fair -- it just kind of happens. My feet are still tired, but it was worth it. I spent some time exploring the State Fair museum -- tucked WAY back at the back end of Heritage Square. Go visit it. Just looking at the old pictures is worth it.

And... Have you noticed that I'm becoming less wordy?



Go figure. Anyway, here's some fun fair trivia for you:

• The fair is (older) that the state. There were 2 territorial fairs in 1855 & 56, and when Minnesota officially became a state -- the first State Fair was held in 1959 on (what is now) the corner of 5th and Marquette in Downtown Minneapolis.
• The fair roamed around to different locations until 1885, when a "secret deal" was made, giving the Ramsey County Poor Farm (all 210 acres) for free as a permanent home. And that's what the fair ain't in Minneapolis no more. St. Paul won it through bribery (In your face, Minneapolis!)
• The site of the present day Midway was a swamp. Between 1904 and 1909, fair officials intended to dredge a canal down the center for boats to carry fairgoers. This, sadly, never materialized. Still -- can you imagine? The Venice of St. Paul?
• Seabiscuit -- Pffft! Dan Patch -- now THERE's a movie that should be made. In 1906, Dan Patch, a racer horse, set the WORLD RECORD for the 1-mile at the State Fair Grandstand. That record held for the next 30 years.
• Ye Old Mill was constructed in 1913 and is the oldest continuously operating ride at the fair.
• The fair has been cancelled 5 times -- 1861-1862 (civil war), 1893 (due to World's fair in Chicago), 1945 (WWII and fuel rationing), and 1946 (polio epidemic).
• Teddy Roosevelt delivered his "Walk softly and carry a big stick" speech at the Fair in 1901. As a patriotic duty, all Minnesotans then decided to carry big sticks. And eventually we put food on them. And that's why.

Enough -- Today's pics >.

An early start

Yesterday's fair appearance was fairly brief. I had a funeral up in Fergus Falls, so I needed to hit the road early. That meant waking up at 5:00 -- biking over in the very brisk morning air, heading in when the gates opened at 6:00, and wandering around for about 45 minutes before heading back.

It's a strange time for the fair. It was dark and cool and aside from the many trucks delivering supplies, there's almost nothing else happening. Most of the buildings don't open until 8:00, so only the die-hards are out milling around. It's kind of like a George Romero movie.



The rest of the day involved lots of driving, and the quintessential Lake Wobegone funeral. Lutheran church basement, pickles, ham and butter sandwiches, bad coffee, false teeth. I met one elderly man who asked my name, and when he found out he said, "Do you know Emil?" Emil was my paternal grandfather's brother; Oscar was my grandfather. He had a good chuckle, and apparently worked with both Emil and Oscar for many years, and seemed delighted to hear the name again. Oscar passed away about 30 years ago. Anyway, nice to find a little connection with the past.

Iola was buried at a family plot just outside of town. As I was standing by the casket for the final internment ceremony, I looked up and noticed that my other grandfather's grave was right behind the open grave, and one headstone over was my great-grandparents.

So, a busy day with lots of family. It wasn't a somber affair. I got to see my Aunt and Uncle, my cousins, my grandmother, etc. Iola was well loved and Clarence seemed remarkably composed. They were married for 63 years.

Today I'm getting my second wind -- gearing up for the last big weekend. Here's the rather scant photos from the early morning hours of Day 7 >.

Are you going to the State Fair again?...

(Gracie -- the neighbor kid)



Tired right now, so no commentary. It was a fair day. Not a fair day, but a Fair day.

See? >.

I wish I could live here.

That's a direct quote from my nephew -- unsolicited. Today, my brother came over and we took the kids up again. I took Evan for a bit, and he wandered around with Marit. We also tried an experiment. Evan's becoming quite the photographer, so he sat is as guest picture-taker for the day. It was semi-successful. He had fun with it at times, but at others he was much more preoccupied with playing and games and eating. As it should be...



Anyway, the pictures he took today I have not cropped or altered (except touching up the exposure and colors a bit) -- this is what the fair looks like from a kid's eye view.

And here's what happened on Day 5 >.

To Vietnam, with love

The fair is a mysterious place. And sometimes, even I'm surprised.

Last Friday my mother's Aunt Iola passed away. My Mom was very close to Iola and her husband, Clarence. They never had children of their own, so Mom was like a daughter to them. Their marriage lasted a lifetime (was it 55 or 60 years? I can't remember which). No matter. It's still a lifetime of being with the person you love. I can't help but think of what it must feel like to lose a wife of 60 years. It's beyond my comprehension. And even though Iola lived a full life, it's sad. Nothing less.

Right now, Mom is in Fergus Falls helping Clarence plan the funeral. Meanwhile, I'm going over to the fair every day and taking pictures.

To wit: Today, I spent a good 6 hours or so at the fair. Just me. I just wandered, and thought, and took some pretty decent pictures of animals, and (okay) I ate a gyro and drank a jumbo cup of 1919 root beer. It was a typical day at the fair. Amusing. Entertaining, as always.

But before I called it a day, I wanted to watch the sunset over the midway. So I waited. And took pictures. And just looked around. It was a hot day, and I was tired. I couldn't wait for that sun to set so I could soak up the colors and go home. And I waited. And then it came. Just a few moments of disappearing sunlight, an orange sky, and the lights of the midway twinkling away. And then, just as I had my camera out, Thanh approached.

At first, I didn't know what he was talking about. He didn't speak much English. And I didn't understand what he was getting at. His mother is very old. She lives in Vietnam. She prays every day at a buddhist temple. She hasn't seen him in 20 years. And... after much nodding and repeating, I found out why he was talking to me. He saw my camera. He saw me standing there for 30 minutes just taking pictures. He wanted me to take his picture so he could send it to her. Ahhh... now I get it.

And so I did.

He shook my hand, gave me his address, and thanked me profusely. This man, wanting to send a picture of himself to his mother -- a half world away -- whom he hasn't seen in 20 years... and he's offering to give me money. 10 bucks? Is 10 bucks okay?

If he only knew...

The only way I have of thanking him is to get this picture printed and sent to him, for his old mother in Vietnam, pronto. ASAP. Mrs. Nguyen, your son was thinking of you today.

And for that, I am grateful. Something good happened at the fair today. And I was there.

It's About Pace...

Today was mostly a pace day. I ran a few errands in the morning, and then wandered up to the fair just after noon. Normally, I park my bike on the north end (by machinery hill), and then catch the Sky Glider which whisks you OVER the fair (with a wonderful birds-eye view), and drops you safely at the foot of the Grandstand. Between the biking and the Glider, I barely have to walk to get from my house to the Grandstand. It's just a matter of rolling in the right direction.

I wandered around for a couple of hours -- checked out the new grandstand, the Ag-Hort building, and popped in and out of a few other barns and buildings. They're weren't many pictures (that turned out) because I was playing with the manual settings on my camera. I'm quickly learning that the pre-programmed settings produce much better results than my "Hey, I bet this will be cool!" experimentation. Anyway, I'll keep fiddling around with it. Plus, I did get some ideas for photos, but they'll have to wait for a better day (lighting wise).



Tomorrow, I think I'll try going in the evening. It seems that the morning and evenings are the best times to get photos, you know, with the light and all.

And here's what happened on the 3nd day >

For those who missed it -- the Star Tribune's Iron Gut Adventure (with video).

TGIF!

First things first. Here it is -- the strib's version of the Iron Gut Adventure. And the video.

Today was a busy day. Lots of people came over -- my friend Jeff and his brood (including my Goddaughter Gretchen), my brother and his brood, and my friend Dan -- who was just brooding. (Nah, he really wasn't, but that sounded good). Jeff mentioned that yesterday's post sounded a bit caustic. I wasn't intended to be, but bear in mind I had a gut full of chili, onions, and crawfish inside me. Permit me a little latitude, I beg of you. Today was much better in terms of raw fun. And, my twin nephews -- not yet 1 month old -- were able to partake in their first of many days indulging their Uncle's mad obsession. (FACT: My nephews and neice -- all of them -- have attended the fair before their first birthday). Sniff. It takes a village...

And perhaps one village idiot.

To start the day, I went over with the "fam" and met my Dad and Nancy at the Star Tribune building. (I hissed and made a finger cross when I saw that dastardly omen -- see yesterday's post). But, then the kids showed up and we had a grand old time celebrating pop's birthday.



First off, we went to see the animals. We WERE going to check out the FFA barnyard, but there was a pile-up of strollers parked right in front of the building. Imagine the street in front of a juke joint in Sturgis -- wall to wall Harley's lined up neatly in front. It was pretty much like that, except that (harleys = strollers), (juke joint = FFA barnyard), (hot mommas = overheated mothers)...

Cows. Sheep. Horses. Same ol' deal. Marit seems to like Horsies, so guess what Uncle Brian is going to get her for her birthday? (Just kidding, Craig).

Then we rode the big slide. If you don't know what "the big slide" is -- go to the fair and find out. It's a really big slide that you shush down on a gunny sack. Utter simplicity. Maximum fun. Then we sat down in the shade and snacked on Pronto Pups -- my brother got a picture of me holding 2 "bouquets" of Pronto Pups. By way. Since yesterday (up until this very moment), that Prontopup has been the only piece of food -- on a stick or otherwise -- that has entered the temple of Brian.



And then it was time to leave. Jay and Kurt are still on a 3 hour feeding schedule, so it was time for one more ride down the big slide and then the long walk home. I even rode the big slide this year. (FACT: I don't recall ever riding the big slide in my life -- at least not in my adult life -- which I imagine will be of great surprise to most of you).

At home, I took the kids upstairs and we piled stuffed animals on my bed, turned on Mr. Rogers, and I read Peter Peter while Jay and Kurt fed. Then it was time to go -- for the moment. I soon discovered that I had a diaper bag in my living room (is it MINE?, I thought) -- before I called the Bro and he turned around to retrieve it. Then it was a 2nd goodbye.

By this time, it was early afternoon -- Dan had parked his car in the driveway earlier -- but still no sign of El Jeffe? What's the deal??? El Jeffe (a name fashioned during our college spring break in Los Cabos, 1990, when he kicked a cactus on our first night out, not realizing that REAL cactus needles will indeed pierce leather docksiders) does not like fairs that last more than 2 hours. 3 hours -- tops. But still -- no sign. Where could he be?

Now it's early afternoon and Dan shows up, RAVING on and on about Hawaiian Shaved Ice (which sounds more like a skateboarding move to me). Then he left. I was secretly glad he didn't come inside to use the facilities, because there he would have discovered my bedroom littered with stuff animals, a Peter Pan book, and Mr. Rogers on T.V. "Uh, Dan... There were kids here earlier. I swear. No... Really... Dan?..."

And finally, after over 7 hours, El Jeffe and Barb and Matt and Gretchen show up. El Jeffe looks like a man who's weathered a 6-day cattle drive across the dusty plains of Oklahoma. We chatted about calories consumed while Gretchen chewed on my rocking chair -- wood on a stick. Matt showed me his toy Bobcats (the machinery, not the animal), and then they departed. Jeff said he needed a bubble bath. Sissy!

And that was that. Two days down, ten more to go... And here's what happened on the 2nd day >

I started the day by first arriving early, and making the usual rounds -- just to make sure everything was in place. After a couple of hours of wandering, my appetite was beginning to build. So, at 11:45 sharp, I arrived at the Star Tribune booth and met Robin -- the editor who was responsible for this little Shindig. I had to sign a waiver (The Star Tribune will not be held liable in the event you hurl, spew, or otherwise explode). Fine. Then it was on to the rules. No running. You must eat EVERYTHING on your plate. No substitutions. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

The 2 other contestants were Anna and Big Mike. I figured I could out-eat Anna no problem. Big Mike, on the other hand. Now he was a contender. So we drew envelopes to reveal what our custom menus where going to be, and to collect the $20 bucks to finance the Adventure. We also had a photographer assigned to each of us -- to keep it honest and to document this for posterity. Jenny (maybe with an "i"?) was assigned to me -- we shook hands, nodded, and then it was off to the races.



My menu consisted of: Blue Raspberry Sno-Cone, Buffalo Chips, Frito Pie, Crawfish, and an Onion Blossom. Ugh. I was in for a wild ride. So, my first blunder was running (er, walking) up to Heritage Square where I knew they had Buffalo burgers, and I figured they'd have Buffalo chips as well. Wrong. That set me back a bit, but then I regained my composure and went for an easy one -- the Sno-Cone. Snarf. Piece of cake. The Frito Pie and Crawfish I know would be in the same building, with Tejas and Rajin' Cajun respectively. Bingo. Got that one right. The Frito Pie was next on my list and it was this HUGE plate of corn chips slathered with chili goop and covered with cheese. Ugh. I ate it too quickly and I think that was the start of the end.

After that was consumed, I got a plate of Crawfish. Egads, man, why on EARTH would anyone want to eat these little aliens? And I don't like seafood, so this was the biggest mental challenge. Also, these were WHOLE crawfish with the heads and the arms and the little eyeballs poking out... uck. I'm not even sure what part you're supposed to eat.



Jenny, the photographer, was little help. It could be worse? It could be nightcrawlers... or bugs... or larvae... or maggots... or..."

I GET IT ALREADY! THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!

I went for the tails. Slurp. Slurp. Slurp. Slurp. Ach? How many of these crappy little things are in a small order? Slurp. Slurp. I think I had 5 or 6.

Now I was queasy -- starting to feel a little blue, but I guessed correctly and found the Buffalo chips at Axels. Buffalo chips are pretty good -- but its a mess of thick, deep fried potato chips dusty with a spicy coating. I didn't use the dipping sauce, so I munched away until I finally made it to the Onion Blossom stand. I was blue at this point, but still wanted to continue. So, I went up to the counter and PLEADED with the woman to give me the smallest Onion Blossum they had. After I explained why, the whole trailer full of these carnie folk start laughing... at me! How bad does your life suck when carnie folk take pity on you? And then it came...

"THIS is a SMALL? THIS? You have GOT to be kidding!" It was as big as a grapefruit and oozing with grease. It was too much. So I pecked at it while Jenny and I walked back to the Star Tribune. If someone had already won, there was no WAY I was going to put this down my maw. We arrived, but no one. So I pecked a few more petals from the onion rose and just said, "uh uh!". At the moment, Big Mike arrived -- finishing his assignment and saving me from having to stomach any more.



Then we took pictures (woo hoo!) and Big Mike -- yes, this is true -- actually started eating the rest of my Onion Blossom. I was thoroughly schooled -- and he proved himself to be (ahem) the bigger man. Hats off. No bitterness at all. Well, except maybe to Jenny -- who told me after the fact that putting Crawfish on the menu was her idea. Thanks.

And that, my friends, is only DAY ONE of a marathon 12 day fair. I spent the remainder of the afternoon lying on my sofa, drinking water, and hallucinating about giant crawfish.

To whirl you through space...

"The two cities were separated only by a thin well-bridged river; their tails curling over the banks met and mingled, and at the juncture, under the jealous eye of each, lay, every fall, the State Fair. Because of its advantageous position, and because of the agricultural eminence of the state, the fair was one of the most magnificent in America. There were immense exhibits of grain, livestock and farming machinery; there were horse races and automobile races and, lately, aeroplanes that really left the ground; there was a tumultuous Midway with Coney Island thrillers to whirl you through space..."

- From A Night at the Fair, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1921.

Old Ironsides! The Star Tribune's introducing the Iron Gut Fair Food Adventure Race this year.

If you are selected to be a competitor, you'll need to show up at the Star Tribune booth at the fair at 11:45 a.m. on Thursday. You'll select one of three sealed envelopes. Inside will be five foods available from vendors at the state fair. You'll have to find them and eat each of the five foods as fast as you can. We'll send a photographer along to document your gastronomical achievements.

Guess who's one of the contestants? That's right. So stay tuned... I'm sure this will be an interesting first day of the fair. Let the games begin!

Until I report back, check out these State Fair links >

And listen to the song again... it'll pump you up! >

HBO has a new series that sounds right up my ally -- Carnivale. Debuting on HBO this September, CARNIVÀLE follows a traveling carnival as it wends its way across the Dust Bowl, focusing on a mysterious young fugitive with hidden talents who is taken in by the carnival, and on the charismatic, shadowy evangelist who will ultimately cross his path. The 12-episode dramatic series takes place at a time of worldwide unrest, with evil on the rise around the globe and the Great Depression wreaking economic and social havoc here at home.

If Martha Stewart were a punk, she'd be all over this. Thrift Deluxe.

That's it... T minus 3 days...

Here's Brian? Er, I mean Farley?

What's the difference between Tony Hawk (the pro skateboarder) and Tony Hawks (the British model)? Tony Hawks is funnier.

What the...? You can get a salad-on-a-stick at the Iowa State Fair, which is a baby spinach leaf and a cheese cube on a toothpick that can be dunked in a honey mustard-yogurt dip. Ha! I laugh at this. DEEP FRY THE SUCKERS and THEN you have a product.

Frickin' amateurs...

Gotta love it. Some guy just reviews odd books on Amazon for a joke... Er, I HOPE it's a joke.

Just talking about this last night. Al Franken's commencement speech to the graduating class of Harvard.

This is pretty weird, but then again, not THAT weird when you think about it. Marlon Brando is Courtney Love's biological grandfather.

If the democrats were smart and really wanted to win the next election, they would indeed draft Wesley Clark. But they won't. He's a retired 4-star general, a Rhodes Scholar, graduated first in his class at West Point, and is currently an investment banker. He's fiscally conservative and socially liberal. I think he'd be a slam dunk. On foreign policy and security and the military? A 4-star general who was the Supreme Commander of the NATO forces in Bosnia? This would be easy.

But instead, I'm guess it will be some dork like Lieberman. Bush in 2004!

Which Dr. Suess character are you? (I'm Horton, apparently).

Mathematician can predict divorces with 94% accuracy using Chaos theory. Honey, what number am I thinking of? Nope, try again. Nope. That's not it. No, keep guessing. Bzzzt! Wrong. Try again.

As sweltering heat smothers our European brethren, Germany steps up to the plate and guarantees that they are working around the clock to make more beer. Gut!

Sick of telemarketers? Fight the power!

Sick of Bill O'Reilly? Fight the power!

Since I'm running out of material (I'm on the taper, remember), here's what I'm currently listening to (and recommending).

Cat Power - You are Free (media link)
Sahara Hotnights - Jennie Bomb (media link)
Hot Hot Heat - Make Up the Breakdown (media link)
The Libertines - Up the Bracket (media link)
The Raveonettes - Whip it On(media link)

And finally, more pictures of the twins here. Oh, and my brother's weblog...

Okay, the taper continues.

Just one fun thing for today -- earlier this week, my brother snuck up on Dad trying to unravel the eternal mystery of the Happy Meal. Look how focused he is? Good Job!

Still busy. Only 2 weeks to the State Fair. I'm going to start my 'taper'... At the conclusion of one or more preparation cycles of training the coach will try to focus all past adaptations toward peak competition performance - this is commonly called the ‘taper’ phase of training. The taper phase is generally marked by changes in the day-to-day training routine over a period of time prior to a competition.

Seems like California is trying to give Florida a run for its money in the "we've got the dumbest electorate" category. Into the fray -- in addition to Larry Flynt -- we now have Arnold, Gary Coleman, and everyone's favorite comedian who's not CarrotTop -- Gallagher.

I can think of a better choice. I think there's only one person who has the foreign policy experience, the expertise in running a large complicated operation, and has a magic talking car. And that man is David Hasselhoff.

Busy day, so not much to share. Go check out Bill Maher's blog -- a crabby but usually insightful look at the current political scene and news stories of the day.

Self-awareness makes some yawn-susceptible. Contagious yawning is known to be more than coincidence. Studies have shown that 40-60% of people who watch videos or hear talk about yawning end up joining in. Those that do have greater empathy.

Of course, there's an alternate, less scientific view -- you're boring and you have boring friends.

Have a long plane trip coming up? A layover? Well, have some fun in the airport, why don'tcha...

Today is the national PRAY FOR THE DEATH OF BILL O'REILLY day, at least according to California Gubernatorial candidate, Larry Flynt. I'd vote for him. In a heartbeat.

McSweeney's: Actual phrases from my American history textbook.

Interesting Strib post from a couple of days ago about a few of my favorite local musicians. Har Mar Superstar is hanging out with Kate Moss in Ibiza. And, it's going to be Paul Westerberg time again soon. He just screened his new documentary and has 2 new albums coming out this fall.

I definitely want to see the new Coen Bros. movie that's coming out soon. Intolerable Cruelty.

First things first...

Everyone came home last Friday evening. Everyone's doing just swell. The twins even have a new home page...

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

• Words that sound dirty, but aren't.
  
  
• The top 10 most fascinating urinals.
  
  
• Area man knows all of the shortcut keys.
  
  
• Need some help with setting up a web site? Do what I do. Hire primate programmers.
  
  
• Bad designs.

Gigli is going on my Netflix list. Here's what some critics have to say: The Onion. Metacritic. The Strib. Rotten Tomatoes.

"A recent episode of South Park suggested that a fourth-grader's hand puppet could turn in a better performance than Ms. Lopez, and in the case of Gigli, it's hard to argue."

"This is a movie that manages to keep finding new ways of being stupid."

"Such an utter wreck of a movie you expect to see it lying on its side somewhere in rural Pennsylvania, with a small gang of engineers circling and a wisp of smoke rising from the caboose."

Yeah, I've got to see it now...

What fun! I got a new photo/slide scanner to help digitize some of my Dad's old photo's. I literally have 2 huge boxes of slides -- probably thousands (er, uh, the acorn don't fall far from the oak, if you know what I mean). Anyway, I'm testing it out and it's already sending me on a very giddy nostalgia trip. These are few photos of me and my brother in July of 1973... in South Dakota... on a family trip.... Man, it's going to be a blast scanning in more of these. This is just what I found in the first slide tray. Stay tuned, after the State Fair, I'm sure this will be the next obsessional hobby on my list.