If you're stuck at work, here's a few more Friday time-wasters for you:

You're a neo maxi zoon dweeby. And other useful phrases with the Judd Nelson/Breakfast Club Soundboard.

Nick Bounty, private dick. An interactive mystery.

Republican Survivor!

Park the caravan.

Gives new meaning to Bauhaus -- Postmodern Pets.

Download some MP3's of silly love songs.

And I came to the very same conclusion. iTune's celebrity mix tapes suck.

Basset of the Caribbean

Johnny Depp, eat your heart out!

P5250003, originally uploaded by lebo12.

Sigh. Damn kids!

I went out into the yard a couple of days ago and almost had a heart attack when I found the kid with a large scimitar in her mouth. My god! She's taken up arms! Run away!...

Nah. Some idiot neighbor kid left their toy sword in my backyard. So, I bring you the Basset of the Caribbean! Yar!

P5250001, originally uploaded by lebo12.

I think I should get her a squeaky Bush instead.

Watch Mac on his office ghetto run through if you're really bored today.

If you do go see Coffee and Cigarettes, you might be inspired to try this.

Create your own drum solo... with cows.

Jim Jarmusch's Coffee and Cigarettes (interview) opens this Friday at the Lagoon theater.

How to build your own Bat Phone.

Kaleidodraw.

Me talk pretty... David Sedaris is speaking at the U of M bookstore on June 3.

Al Franken's web page -- The O'Franken Factor.

That's all for today. I'm still working on setting up the new computer...

Went to a Byerly's Wine Tasting class last night -- "Red Wines of the Barbie". It was a father's day class arranged by my friend's wife, so hopefully we're on our way to becoming more refined gentlemen. "Dude, this one tastes great... It's less filling... I SAID, it tastes GREAT!..."

They did a blind taste test of 2 varieties of Merlot, Cabernet, and Syrah -- with 1 coming from California and 1 coming from Australia. We had to 'pick' which was which, based on the nose and mouthfeel of each (those are wine tasting words, by the way). Anyway, here's what I learned.

* Generally speaking, California wines are fruity, and Australian wines have a minty or eucalyptusy nose. Which greatly explains all those drunk Koala bears down under, I suppose.

* Older wines typically have a deeper red, orangey color from the tannins, so you can spot an older vintage a bit more easily.

* I preferred the Australian Merlot & Syrah, but like the California Cab better.

* Fess Parker's wines are aged in smoked hickory barrels, which give them a very unique nose. According to the sommelier instructor, the note was 'smokey'. I thought it smelled like a wet dog.

* My favorite line was when the sommelier was talking about organic farming, and described the rodent and rabbit problems of vineyards as "Molesters of the Vines". I liked that because it kind of sounded like a Stephen King story. Maybe I'll use it as a title someday. Coming to a theater near you... Molesters of the Vines, starring Ashton Kutcher.

* Wine humor really isn't funny. The sommelier, who had studied in France and with the CIA, kept making obscure jokes to himself and laughing. Only it wasn't funny. "I mean, it's not like you'd find it in the Cote-du-Rhone-shizwah-merci-blah-blah-blah... [laugh, laugh, laugh]." That was a bit annoying.

* Despite my protestations to the contrary, he assured us that Riunite does not taste "nice", even on ice.

And that was pretty much it. I have to admit, doing the 'blind tasting' was fun - sounds like a great thing to try for a party.

My new computer arrived yesterday, so I was up 'til midnight trying to at least get the networking to work (finally I did). Very excited, so I must go play with that now.

Hail to the Klutz. First he choked on a pretzel. Then he fell off a Segway. Now his bike tips over.

I don't particularly care for John Kerry, but he did have a good come-back. When asked about Bush falling off his bike, Kerry replied, "Did the training wheels fall off?"

I love Monty Python. Here's yet another reason why -- download Eric Idle's MP3 of his new hit, The FCC Song. Spot on, Roberta.

Rock the Garden. Hmmm. David Byrne's going to be doing a gig at the Walker in June.

McDVD's?

Yesterday I went up to Linder's garden center and picked out some annuals (petunias and salvias) for the front of my house. In past years I've tried to stick to some semblance of a color scheme, but this year I just picked varieties that caught my fancy -- lemon yellow, plum, blue white veins, white with blue veins, and salmon. It's either going to be a brilliant explosion of color or the horticultural equivalent of plaid golfing pants. I'm not sure which I'm hoping for more.



I love this site -- Gmailswap. The people who are lucky and cool enough (ahem) to have a beta Gmail account can invite up to 2 others for a free account. I gave away one to my stupid brother, so now I only have one left. Hmmm. What can I swap it for?

Read Jon Stewart's commencement address to the graduating class of William & Mary.

Pirate of the Caribbean. Keith Richards releases new Reggae album, then smokes a fag and mumbles something completely incoherent.

Bay wizzle, fo shizzle. Today's "wha' happened?" story brought to you by Ice-T and his newest best buddy, David Hasselhoff. "The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."

Before I had a monkey it was like looking at a picture in black and white. Story is kind of interesting, but I just like quotes about monkeys. “There will be no flunky monkey,” she said. “Every monkey is capable of doing something to help. Just picking something up is putting the world in somebody’s hands.” So true.

According to a recent movie poll, Psycho was voted as the movie having the best cinematic movie death. C'mon, people! What about Fargo? The woodchipper?

Got headaches? Try Scorsesum, the remedy most sociopaths prefer.

The Cinema Lounge premiere last night was a lot of fun. If you've never been to the Bryant Lake Bowl, it's a quirky bar/restaurant/bowling alley/theater, so it was the perfect space for something like this. Cinema Lounge continues on the third Wednesday of every month, so I'm going to try to make it to a few more shows this summer.

Elvin Ray Jones, a renowned jazz drummer and member of John Coltrane’s quartet who also played alongside Duke Ellington, Charlie Parker and Miles Davis, died Tuesday. Jones was the rhythm man behind Coltrane's legendary quartet. If I was on a deserted island and could only have one album to listen to for the rest of my life, it would probably be A Love Supreme.

Well, that and the "Don't Worry Be Happy" song... And "Midnight At the Oasis"...

Actually, I saw Elvin and his Jazz Machine with my brother some time ago. He looked pretty old even back then, and I was a bit concerned once he took the stage as to whether or not he could make it through a full set. That was all an act, apparently. He nodded a couple of times and then Bam-bam-boom he started playing drums louder than Van Halen. Here's a joke he told that night.

A princess is walking through the forest one morning, when she stumbles across a little frog on the path. The frog says, "If you give me a kiss, I'll turn into the world's greatest jazz drummer." The princess picks him up, puts him in her pocket, and continues walking. The frog mumbles, and then mumbles a little louder, and finally the princess takes him out again. "Miss, perhaps you didn't hear me? I said, if you give me a kiss, I'll turn into the world's greatest jazz drummer." To which she replies, "Oh, I heard you, but I can make a heck of a lot more money with a talking frog than with the world's greatest jazz drummer."

Pa-dum-pum.

Public service announcement: If you're planning to sautee and eat 30 cicadas, make sure you don't have any food allergies.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert lecturing former POW and Arizona Sen. John McCain about sacrifice and war. Apparently the 5 years he spent in a North Vietnamese prison didn't teach him anything about either.

It's Shake 'N Bake, and I helped

I'm attending my first movie premiere tonight. Should be fun.

"Twist and Grout," a 26-minute movie written, produced, and directed by Tom Robbins and Dan Cooke will be premiering in Minneapolis on Wednesday May 19th, 2004 at 7 p.m. at the Bryant Lake Theater in Minneapolis. (map)

"Twist and Grout" will be screened as part of "Cinema Lounge," IFP-MSP's monthly short film showcase. The event will run from 7-9 p.m. We'll be on the bill with a handfull of other short films. Tom and Dan (and the other local filmmakers) will be in attendance for a brief Q&A with Cinema Lounge's host.

"Twist and Grout" is about Byron LePage, a songwriter with a passion for home improvement. In his quest to bring his message to a wider audience, Byron faces his greatest obstacle: the probing eye of the documentary filmmaker.

If you haven't been there before, there is NO COVER CHARGE for Cinema Lounge. That's right, seats are free (but it's not a huge space so come early to guarantee a seat). They have a bar menu and sell drinks if you want to imbibe or nosh.

I helped with the casting and with one of the shoots.

Peter Scholtes has a good reminiscence of the recording of Let It Be. The Replacements Were Funny, Heavy, and Better Musicians Than You Think.

Illusion in art.

More fascinating adventures with the Shut-In Detectives.

Looks like it's going to be a spectacular day here in St. Paul (73 and sunny), so enough with this blog stuff. More tomorrow.

Please, please, please. Tarantino wants to direct the next James Bond movie.

Interesting article on the adaptation of Nicholas Pileggi's Wiseguys into Scorcese's Goodfellas.

The latest TV series to come out on DVD. Get yours today.

Gwyneth Paltrow has given birth to her first child, a baby girl named Apple Blythe Alison Martin. Or, you can call her Appletini for short.

Propoganda posters for our time.

Iraqis are likely to say they want to live in a democracy, though they don't necessarily understand how it works. Hmm. Sort of like us.

Mark your calendars. I actually agree with Pat Buchanan for once, who makes sense in his assessment of the Iraq war so far. With a $500 billion deficit, we do not have the money for new wars. With an Army of 480,000 stretched thin, we do not have the troops. With April-May costing us a battalion of dead and wounded, we are not going to pay the price. With the squalid photos from Abu Ghraib, we no longer have the moral authority to impose our "values" on Iraq. Bush's "world democratic revolution" is history.

Not much today either. I was kind of expecting a slow day yesterday, after taking Maddy home from the vet. I was expecting her to be kind of tired, a little slow, and there would be much sleeping.

NOT!

Uff da, the kid was back to full strength almost immediately. I'm trying to keep her relatively calm, but I'm amazed at how resilient she is.

Anyway, the sparse Friday goodness:

Yahoo is now giving away 100 MB of free e-mail to try to keep up with Google's G-mail service. Keep trying. I'm using G-mail now and it's far superior.

Get your conspiracy on. Nick Berg linked with Al Qaeda. In a bizarre coincidence, Nick Berg crossed paths with Al Qaeda years before its henchmen beheaded him, when his E-mail and password wound up in the hands of 9/11 suspect Zacarias Moussaoui.

Yep, the half-baked theories are already starting.

DVD pick of the week -- Whit Stillman's Barcelona. As a conventional movie, it doesn't hold up that well in terms of action or plot, but it's chock full of witty dialog and smarmy come-backs. I watched it again last night and enjoyed it quite a bit.

Not much new today. I went up to see Maddy yesterday afternoon after her surgery and she's doing just fine. They kept her overnight, and this morning she'll get her final set of booster shots, and then she can come home about 10:00 or so. I'm curious to see how quickly she bounces back to her hyper self.

Weird not having her around yesterday. You really do forget how accustomed you get to having a pup. I would find myself closing the baby gate as I walked to and from the kitchen, and little things like that. I'll be glad once she's back under my care.

Strange graphic of GW.

Photoshop contest of North Dakota's new quarter design.

Hey, Boo-Boo... How's about a file in that pic-a-nic basket you bring?... Yogi is not smarter than your average bear, apparently. Ranger Smith unavailable for comment.

Price per gallon. Now, this is probably pretty unpopular, but I think gasoline is way too cheap. How can a gallon of gas -- which is non-renewable, imported from half-way around the world, refined, processed, and distributed -- be cheaper than a gallon of milk (says the native Wisconsinite in me)? Makes no sense. The government seems to have no problem imposing so-called "sin taxes" on booze, cigarettes, and gambling. What's wrong with big taxes on gas? If destroying the ozone one SUV at a time isn't a sin, what is?

McSweeney's: Changes to the Hotel California, made in response to Mr. Henley's recent complaint.

Ach! The Minnesota State Fair grandstand line-up continues, featuring the ever-craptacular Clay Aiken. But, for more "fun" shows, they are going to have Cyndi Lauper, and I heard Los Lonely Boys was going to be opening for the Allman Brothers. Check out their video on the media link -- wouldn't that sound good on a hot summer night?

What's going on in the Iraq prisons? Human behavior, plain and simple (and ugly). As this guy notes, this has been clinically documented in the Stanford Prison Experiment. That's not to excuse it at all, though. The fact that we KNOW people exhibit this kind of behavior means it should have been prevented.

Maddy by Lilacs, originally uploaded by lebo12.

Maddy goes in to get spayed today, and to get an electronic ID chip implant. Sniff. This will be our first night apart. Good luck, little monkey.

Como Carnage

Just two doors down from me. I talked to my neighbor Judith yesterday morning, and she planted this pine tree over 30 years ago from a sapling she brought with her from North Carolina. The picture doesn't show it too well since I took it last night, but the 40-footer is completely toppled over. By yesterday morning, it was completely gone -- destined for sawdust.













Here's a transformer that snapped off a power pole a couple of blocks south of me. I talked to one of the homeowners, and they've got a mess. I mean, the whole pole (with it's myriad of electrical connections) has to be replaced -- and that's not likely to happen within a couple hours.



Believe it or not, this was not the worst of it. I couldn't get pictures of one corner by Horton & Lexington, but it looks like a bomb went off. (see a picture from the Star Tribune). Everything was just leveled. Also, the crews here have been working around the clock, so a lot has been cleaned up already.

And I'm not kidding about the 'around the clock' thing. Two nights ago, I tucked Maddy in and then I listened to NPR by candlelight in my room. When it was time for bed, I left the window open (it was still hot), and then tossed and turned until about 2:00am. That's when I heard the chainsaws outside my window. Actually, I'm glad they started the cleanup immediately, but I didn't sleep but a few winks that night.

My power came back on about 11:30 yesterday morning -- after 2 trips to the Dunn Brothers coffee shop (taking advantage of their wonderful coffee and free wireless internet), and then I had a proper shower, watched television, and had a c-o-l-d beer.

It's still sad to see the neighborhood ripped up like this. I've driven all over and it just brings a lump to my throat just to see all of these beautiful old trees leveled. The news reports say hundreds of trees down. The State Fairgrounds got hit pretty hard as well, but I haven't checked that yet. Sigh. Very sad.

I was lucky, though. Today was an ugly day, but then the kid and I went up for a walk around the lake and everything seemed okay again. The sun was out, the carnival was operating, the calliope at the carrousel was repetitously spinning its ode to spring, the zoo animals were grunting and roaring...

In a few days we'll be back to normal. Oye Como Va. Listen how it goes...

Bah. After returning home from Mother's Day at my brother's house, I found my neighborhood dessimated by a storm.

It was as if the Tazmanian Devil blew through Como Park, leaving a path of uprooted trees and shattered glass in his wake.

A rapidly developing afternoon storm with 72-mph winds swept from west-central Minnesota through the Twin Cities, knocking down trees and power lines and blowing out the glass along a stretch of skyway in downtown St. Paul.

There were no immediate reports of injuries. But the American Red Cross was called to assist several families, whose Como Park homes were badly damaged.

As they surveyed the damage to their childhood home, the Benduha brothers wondered aloud when the last time a storm had blown through like this.

And then Tom Benduha, 50, the eldest of the two, decided: "This was the worst, the worst."

The house at Argyle Street and Jessamine Avenue, which Dan Benduha now calls home, has been in the family more than 30 years and while they've seen some storms move in, they haven't seen this type of damage. A downed tree crushed a neighbor's car.

Como Park neighborhoods and downtown St. Paul were hit hardest, according to St. Paul police Sgt. Paul Strong.

My house faired pretty well. Some medium sized branches came down, but that was about it. My neighbor 2 houses down had a 40 foot pine tree knocked over like a toy.

I woke up early (actually, didn't sleep much at all) and went for a drive. Depressing. Dozens of big old trees just uprooted or snapped off. Bah.

I'm writing from the local Dunn Bros. right now. I still have no power. Tonight it looks like I'll be grilling whatever thawed out from the freezer. Maddy wants steak.

Kubrick's classic -- The Shining in 30 seconds (re-enacted by bunnies).

Do a search for "Poodle" on the Google UK site.

Nice product on Amazon -- Stop Eating Poop. (make sure you read the review as well).

Speaking of... What Bush had to say about the unfolding scandal in Iraq.

Today is the official No Pants Day. Share the love.

Duluth native didn't want 'Friends' theme to be his only hit. Trivia fact: I saw The Rembrandts play their very first live gig at the Fine Line waaaaay back in like '90 or '91. I feel old.

This is going on my Netflix list -- EEGAH! Looks like a horrendously delicious B-movie.

The Google drinking game.

New action figure -- Geekman. Now with exciting Ctl-Alt-Del grip...

Update. Moore accused of publicity stunt over Disney 'ban'. I still want to see the movie, so I hope the PR gets it picked up for US distribution.

It's Friday. Go play some Gutterball.

In other news, Maddy and completed our first circuit around Lake Como the other day. That's 1.6 miles, which is pretty impressive for a squatty body*. Also, my lilac bushes in the back yard should be hitting peak bloom in a few days. I've got a bumper crop this year, so the backyard smells... well, like a back yard. I planted these about 6 years ago, and finally I'm getting the pay-off. Mmmm. Smells like spring.

* meaning the dog, of course.

Weird. There's actually enough conservative punk rockers to form a movement. Sadly, Johnny Ramone is one of them.

On the other hand, we have the more liberal punk rockers over at Punkvoter.com.



New Yorkers act out favorite scenes at 'movieoke'. Here's some movie scenes I'd like to do:

• War-ri-ors!... Come out and play-eh-yay!... War-ri-ors!... [props needed: 3 coke bottles]
• So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy; a looper, a jock. [props needed: a pitchfork]
• Marty: What happened to Stumpy Joe?
  Derek: Well, uh, it's not a very pleasant story...but, uh, he died...
  uh...he choked on...the ac- the official explanation was he
  choked on vomit.
  David: He passed away.
  Nigel: It was actually, was actually someone else's vomit. It's not....
  David: It's ugly.
  Nigel: You know. There's no real....
  Derek: You know they can't prove whose vomit it was...they don't
  have the facilities at Scotland Yard....
  David: You can't print, there's no way to print a spectra-photograph...
  Nigel: You can't really dust for vomit. [props needed: a kilt and an 'exact replica skeleton T-shirt in green]

Disney blocks anti-bush film because they don't want to upset Jeb Bush and all of those nice freebies they get for Florida's Disneyworld park. Emanuel said Eisner expressed particular concern that it would endanger tax breaks Disney receives for its theme park, hotels and other ventures in Florida, where President Bush's brother, Jeb Bush, is governor. That's just goofy. H'yuk, h'yuk...

Who is Rance? But if he is famous, Clooney or Wilson are both good guesses. They are still single, as Rance seems to be, and could conceivably be the suspicious, jaded, sarcastic, laid-back, introspective yet nice guy Rance seems to be. Weaker stabs are Vince Vaughn, Matthew Perry or Colin Farrell, since Rance seems to be a little more famous than Vaughn, to have done more movies than Perry and swears less than Farrell.

You decide -- Rance's weblog.

Bitch-slapped by a spruce.

Walking the pup can be, and often is, a humbling experience. Take yesterday, for instance: Maddy and I went for a nice long walk in the park. Being a scent hound, she cannot help but stop and smell each and ever tree, twig, and pinecone we encounter. So, we're doing just fine and walking along a path, when she gets the urge to go sniff under a big spruce tree. Okay, I can indulge that. Her leash is only 6 ft. long, I crouch down and waddle under the tree with her.

Sniff, sniff. Just then, the wind picks up and starts buffeting the branches. Then it picks up a bit more and bwap, bwap, bwap -- the boughs start smacking me in the face. Maddy, let's go! Bwap, bwap, bwap -- more slapping. Maddy still isn't ready to leave and her leash is taut, and since I'm crouched down I can't really move any direction that would make it better. Maddy! Bwap, bwap. C'mon! Bwap, bwap, bwap.

Finally she ambles out and I emerge from beneath the tree with my hair and shirt covered with pine needles. Sigh.

I think we'll go back to the fairgrounds for today's walk...

Cool grandparents. They trek around the United States and buy time capsules for their grandkids, so that some day the kids will get to visit the real outdoors like it should be seen. Time in a Capsule. (thanks Keith)

Hollywood writers still in contract negotiations. Why? In a recent mailing to members, the union said a typical DVD sells for $16. The studios make a $10.55 profit on the sale, while writers get 5 cents, the union said. Certainly if you write the movie, shouldn't you get a tad more than a nickel? Okay, maybe not the guy who wrote Gigli, but everyone else then.

First, we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. Pac-Manhattan. A player dressed as Pac-man will run around the Washington square park area of Manhattan while attempting to collect all of the virtual "dots" that run the length of the streets. Four players dressed as the ghosts Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde will attempt to catch Pac-man before all of the dots are collected. Using cell-phone contact, Wi-Fi internet connections, and custom software designed by the Pac-Manhattan team, Pac-man and the ghosts will be tracked from a central location and their progress will be broadcast over the internet for viewers from around the world.

Maddy and I went for a walk at the State Fair grounds on Friday, so that's going to be a nice alternate walking area for us. On Saturday we had a our training class, and then on Sunday we went up for puppy social hour and got to see Beatrice again. It's fun comparing notes with Beatrice's parents. Does Maddy eat twigs? Like, obsessively? Does she? Oy.



Some guy takes takes on a lawyer's cease-and-desist letter. Here was the reply to the letter.

When you can take the pebble from my pouch, grasshopper... Kung Fu star gets a roo shock. The last time David Carradine was in Australia he had a rather strange experience with some wayward kangaroos.

DVD pick of the week -- new digitally re-mastered 2 DVD set of A Room With A View. No sex. No violence. No nudity (okay, except for some naked guys swimming in a pond). No car chases. No aliens. Yet, despite that, this is still one of my favorite movies.

Strange. Buddhist theme park in Vietnam. I think I could get enlightened there.