Movie stuff

Spiffy movie fonts.

Quotes on film. “The difference between Close Encounters Of The Third Kind and 2001: A Space Odyssey is that the end of Kubrick’s film is a question, while the end of Close Encounters is an answer. And it’s a really silly answer: little kids in latex suits.” —Terry Gilliam

Great directors, a critical database.

Books made into movies.

There's a new movie filming in the twin cities -- Factotum. I already like 3 things about this movie. 1. The producer works regularly with Jim Jarmusch. 2. It's based on a Charles Bukowski novel. And 3. They're filming a scene in the Gedney pickle factory. It's just GOT to be good.

Be kind, please rewind... your DVDs.

Monty Python and The Fellowship of the Ring.

No, sir, YOU go f--- yourself!

Dick Cheney, acting as president of the Senate, drops the F-bomb on Senator Leahy on the VERY same day the senate passes the "Defense of Decency Act". That's the new law that will raise fines on broadcasters who use the word f---.

Let that sink in for a moment.

And that goes for you too, Ahnahhld.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to repeal a state law that requires animal shelters to hold stray dogs and cats for up to six days before killing them. Instead, there would be a three-day requirement for strays. Other animals, including birds, hamsters, potbellied pigs, rabbits, snakes and turtles, could be killed immediately. Why? Because it may save a whopping $14 million.

California's annual state budget is over $100 BILLION.

Update: looks like the proposal got terminated. Let's just hope it 'won't be baaack'.

This is pretty much how Planet of the Apes will become a reality. At the zoo's new Regenstein Center for African Apes, chimpanzees can touch a panel hidden from public view that will shoot harmless bursts of air at unsuspecting visitors. "You often hear about chimps spitting or throwing," said Steve Ross, a behaviorist at the zoo. "They do that to get a rise out of the public. This gives them that opportunity but in a safe way."
I think it's brilliant.

Basset Jam 2004

Well, I was hoping to get more pictures, but it was a little tough when you're actually part of the parade. Fortunately, my Mom came and helped keep things under control. Maddy did pretty good. The parade route was just over a mile, so I had to pick her up and carry her for a few stretches. We did get applause though. She'd lie down with her head on the pavement, and I'd pick her up, and everyone would clap. Hooray for the Basset whisperer.


Jaws like Spielberg never intended.


Nose to Nose with Maddy.


I call this one my 'Tiananmen Square' shot. Here's Maddy -- being typically Maddy -- dead last and holding up the parade.


And she wasn't in a mood to cooperate. Maddy's like the Courtney Love of Basset Hounds. Total attention whore.


Finally, with a little attention, she was able to finish.

After the parade, we hopped into the back of a pooped puppy wagon to give us a ride back to the start. There I was, sitting in the bed of a pickup truck with an Argentinian woman and her newborn daughter, a stroller, a grandpa, and a couple of basset hounds. And it hit me. I've become Tom Joad.

This evening is Basset Jamboree, so Maddy and I will be partaking in that. It starts at the Transfiguration Catholic Church (www.tranny.org). Who would've thought that tranny.org actually links to a church? Anyway...

Hopefully I'll have some pictures for tomorrow or next week. Basset Jamboree (my first Jamboree, by the way) is part of the Oakdale Summerfest Grande Parade.

Last one in the pool is a rotten egg. Hotmail now set to offer 250 MB of free e-mail.

In Wisconsin, you can register to vote at your local strip club. Can you say Poll Dancing?

That's it today. I had to have my Air Conditioner fixed yesterday (again). The repair guy thought my existing unit was about 25 years old. I asked how long they normally last. He said 15-20 years.

Yeah, so I'll probably have to put that on my list of things to have replaced soon. Oddly enough, aside from the noisiness of it -- it still works like a charm and cools the house very quickly. Maybe one more season...

Last Saturday was the Dutchman's birthday party. Here's a picture of the birthday boy being surprisingly pleasant to twin French girls. If anyone else has any good captions, let me know...



Pourquoi l'équipe hollandaise du football continue-t-elle à perdre chez Eurocup, Oncle Jan?

Translation: Why the Dutch team of football continue to lose at Eurocup, Uncle Jan?

(Oh, and if that's not 100% correct -- sue me. I'm using Google's language tools to do the conversion)

Man of steel?

Referee signals explained.

Get a personalized message from Hilary Duff. I did.

Words that at first glance appear to be the names of warring populations in bad science-fiction novels, but are actually strange marsupials.

This would be a big hit at the fair -- Pork Choc (on a stick). You can understand why she's in no rush to eat it - the Ukrainian student has just been served pork fat covered in chocolate.

Whew! Now that they've finally fixed all the problems with terrorism, the war in Iraq, and the federal debt, the Senate can finally get on to important business, like amending our constitution. Quite honestly, regardless of how you personally feel about the issue, is this really the type of thing our Senate should be focused on right now? Is this really the top priority?

Oh, right. It's an election year. I'm still waiting for the October Surprise.

The top 100 British Albums of all time. Surprisingly, the Beatles AREN'T #1, and The Clash comes in at #3. Cool.

What should you do if the internet goes down.

Completely ridiculous but brilliant in its own way. A few guys decide to re-film their own version of the What's Happening opening credits. Here's their version. Here's the original.

I haven't posted a picture of Maddy in a while, so here's one from 2 days ago.

First contest winner.

This is Chad. He took me up on my offer for a G-mail invite and sent these pictures. I had some reservations about posting it without clearing it through his court-appointed guardian or social worker, but I'm taking a chance. This was taken when (apparently) his group home visited the state fair. As you can see, Chad is a very "special" person.



For those of you unlucky souls who have never made it to the Minnesota State Fair -- this is pretty much the standard uniform. Note the Prairie Home Companion baseball cap, sponge-bob T-shirt, and backpack. Believe it or not, he blends in quite well. I'll give him bonus points for this pic because he's eating a real Pronto Pup. But, dude, where's the mustard? I don't see any mustard on that stick. Two demerits for Gryffindor.

And then he sent another picture of his pretend "wife" (looks like the same shirt to me) eating a fudge-puppy. Of That's State Fair lingo for chocolate covered belgian waffle on a stick, slathered with whipped cream and sprinkles. Of course, this pretend "wife" could be real. Another hallowed tradition of the official State Fair uniform is the matching spousal T-shirts (ala the "I'm with Stupid --> Stupid" variety). So technically I suppose it's possible.



Chad's state fair pictures can be found here. For those that thought I was the sole fair freak out there -- be warned. Our numbers our growing. Mwaa haa haa haaa....

Okay, so I just got a couple more Gmail invites to send out, so I'm making the following offer: I'll send an invite to the first 3 people who send me an e-mail promising to send a picture of you (or someone else, like I care) eating something interesting on a stick.

And I get to post the picture on my web site. Oh, and I might make fun of you. Or maybe not. Kind of depends on my mood and whatever the hell you're eating in the picture. (first come, first served...)

Ready, set... GO!

Some priority may be given to any fusty luggs that e-mail me.

Now some Friday fun:

Dog toy or marital aid?

Minneapolis swallows are pretty darn smart.

Awesome. I need to get a trunk monkey.

Sandals and socks.

George W. Bush's PocketUhhh.

American Grafitti

The neighborhood is turning into a freak show as we gear up for Back to the 50's Weekend over at the state fair grounds. Over 10,000 vintage hot-rods are assembling just blocks away, and this weekend they all 'cruise' the streets blaring Buddy Holly music. Summer must be here.

Stupid. If you're between 13 and 17, you won't be able to see Fahrenheit 9/11 because of its R-rating. Apparently the film's "violent and disturbing images and language" will be too much for you. But don't worry. You only have to wait another year or so, and then you can enlist and star in the sequel.

Hmmm. Might have to look into this for Maddy. German dogs get lederhosen. Maybe she can do one of those Ricola cough drop commercials.

NY Times editorial. No question: John Ashcroft is the worst attorney general in history.

The official rules for calling Shotgun.

New season of The Surreal Life coming up, starring Flava Flav, Uncle Joey from Full House, and Charo.

Extreme make-over -- on Mona Lisa.

Looking for a new sensation? Well, INXS needs a new lead singer, and they're turning to reality TV. Natch.

Can't sing? Don't worry. If you're a sweet Kansas farmgirl who knows how to make pies, or a professor with expertise in the conductivity of coconuts, you can try out for the REAL Gilligan's Island. TV just keeps getting better, huh?

Speaking of... Last night I checked out the premieres for North Shore, The Casino, and The Next Action Star. Conclusion? Summerific.

Electric Boogaloo. Transformer's breakdancing. I knew those machines were going to take over someday.

Yahoo is now offering 100 MB's free e-mail, and up to 10 MB attachments in response to Gmail. I have a dusty old account there that I check about once every 2 months. Sure enough, I logged in today and it was upgraded. It's still not nearly as good as Gmail, though.

Monkey fishing sounds fun. But, it's really not.

Sweet. I am soooo putting this on my Amazon wish list. Sweet dreams, y'all.

Also, if anyone has a recommendation for a good coffee maker -- let me know. I think my died this morning, forcing an emergency Caribou run. What I would like is something that is simple (no timers, grinders, alarm clocks, or other crap on it that I'll never use), easy to clean, brews very hot, and uses a thermal carafe. I was using a Capresso and it worked okay, but lately it's been giving fits and just seems to have died. RIP, Capresso. You served me well.

Titanic in 30 seconds (re-enacted by bunnies).

Pat Buchanon (Patty Patty Buc Buc) interviews Ralph Nader on why he should appeal to conservative voters. Maybe I'll vote for Nader after all. Interesting article, especially if you are convinced that Nader is some ultra-liberal tree-hugger.

The Donald Rumsfeld fighting technique. Beware the Fist of the West Side. Word!

My favorite Minnesota blog (fimoculous.com) went off the grid almost 6 months ago, because Rex got a gig designing NBC's Olympics site. Check out the interview. I hope he comes back soon, because it was always a lot easier to pilfer his links than to find ones on my own.

The Republic GOP platform in Texas is just down-right scary. I mean, freaky scary. Texas Democratic Chairman Charles Soechting disagreed. He called the platform the "longest political suicide note in modern Texas history." (Hey, isn't Bush from Texas?)

One of the planks is (surprise, surprise) against gay marriage. Because, as all conservatives know, it's the homosexuals that are destroying the sanctity of marriage.

In unrelated news, Rush Limbaugh is divorcing for the THIRD time.

And my last political link of the day. Please, please watch this bit on John Ashcroft with John Stewart. It's funny. Well, kind of. Actually, it's not funny. I mean, it would be if it wasn't really the Attorney General.

drown in my own tears



Sigh. Ray Charles hits the road. Won't be back no more, no more, no more, no more.

HE should lie in state at the capital. I've got quite a few Ray Charles CD's, including the Birth of Soul. My favorite song is Drown in My Own Tears (click on the link to hear a clip). Does that just sock you in the gut or what?

I just popped in a disc and the more I hear... well. That's the good thing about the blues. It pretty much says everything for you.

Scientists discover that dogs can learn over 200 words. That is a vocabulary size about the same as apes, dolphins and parrots trained to understand words, the researchers say. And, it's almost double that of our President.

Speaking of... Check out the new George W. Bush coloring book. I recommend using Burnt Sienna as the color du jour for Iraq.

Interesting optical illusion.

How much time have you wasted in your life? Or, more specifically... how much time have you wasted here?

Slowest parade... ever!

Not doing anything on June 24th? Well, then come on down to Oakdale to see Maddy and me in the Basset Jam. Over 100 tubby Bassets waddling down the middle of a street. How cool is that? Just signed up today, so we'll be there!

The 50 coolest song parts. Great list. The 'Mats make it in with Alex Chilton at #24.

I wish I had a name like this -- Dusty Brabender. Just don't forget his ability to handle a bat.

Hassel the Hoff working on his gangster street cred by getting arrested as he prepares new rap album. Hasselhoff was booked in a McDonald's parking lot in Los Angeles around 11 p.m. after police spied his car--which was presumably not an artificially intelligent crime-fighting car--being driven somewhat erratically.

I'll have to be careful not to post any Clash lyrics on this site. Wouldn't want to get busted for terrorism, now would I?

How many Taiwanese men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Four. One to change the lightbulb, on to unfurl the awning, one to park the car underneath, and one to drive him to the hospital.

'cuz you can't take it with you.

Sigh. Next popular book to make it on to the big screen? Walter the Farting Dog. Starring Ashton Kutcher as the voice (a-hem) of Walter.

And speaking of... Punchlines suggested by Ashton Kutcher for Punk'd that were rejected due to their archaic nature.

The 25 weirdest items you can purchase through Amazon.

1-blade, 2-blades, 3-blades, 4-blades... what's next for razor technology? Oh, this is a good idea. A vibrating razor from Gillette. What's next? Vibrating band-aids I hope.

Short post today. I've got to go pick up the little monkey this morning, ending our three day puppy sitting experiment. Mom was raving at what a good pup she's been, so now I'm ready to take her home (and go up to the park). Yesterday, taking advantage of her absence, I cleaned up the yard, mowed, and planted more flowers for my plaid golfer pants flower box. It was good to be outside, but unfortunately the humid, near-100 degree temps was a little uncomfortable. I had that C+C Music Factory song stuck in my head when I was planting. "Gonna make you sweat... everybody dance now"...

In the meantime, go check out my brother's Black Hill photos. He's even playing around with some 360 degree panoramas, which are pretty cool. If I'm not mistaken, that's like throwing down the gauntlet in our digital arms race. I suppose I'll need to be able to do this for the fair this year, right?

Guided By Voices

On Saturday, Maddy and I had our last puppy class (she graduated). I promptly signed her up for the next series of 'basic' training, so we're going to continue to see just how trainable a Basset hound is. After class, we scooted out to Mom's place so she could puppy sit for a couple of days. Then on Sunday it was Grand Old Day.

What a hot, beautiful day it was yesterday. 80 degrees, sunny, no breeze, blue skies. If you're reading this in southern Cali, that may not seem like a big deal, but here in Minnesota it's the day you dream about for 8 months of the year. And a perfect day it was.

Guided by Voices.

Grand Old Day is a tradition in St. Paul--200,000 people all crammed onto one street for food, beer, and music. I met a few friends and checked out Boogie Wonderland, Lamont Cranstron, and then Guided By Voices. Quite honestly, I only went to the GBV song "Everywhere with Helicopter", which is featured on my latest car CD mix.

Guided by Voices.

Instead, GBV did this whole "hey, we're a drunk indie rock band" thing. Sigh. Not terribly exciting, but it was a free concert, so what the heck? I must have missed the helicopter song, because I never did hear it.

Guided by Voices.

After that, I made it way home to apply liberal amounts of lotion on my bright red face. Yes, I wore sunscreen, but the sun was just intense. I don't think I burned, but I should have a good start on my summer tan. So, all in all, it was a pretty good weekend.


My brother's currently out in the Black Hills of South Dakota, keeping busy with the kids. He's posting pictures of his trip on his blog. Here's day 1 and day 2.

E-bay listing: Selling Son's Beloved Play Station 2 For Punishment!

If politicians were dogs, what kind would they be?

I hope no one else tried to go see Wings of Desire yesterday, per my suggestion. It seems the City Page listing (and Pioneer Press listing as well) was wrong. It actually screened a couple of weeks ago. Bummer. I called when I noted that it wasn't listed on their own web site (should have checked that first).

Now, if you don't think this song is the greatest song ever, I will fight you. That's no lie. (click on the "afternoon delight" link)

Check out the new trailer for Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11. Can't wait to see it. Because, of course, it exposes of this...

Idiot.



This weekend is going to be momentous. First, Maddy's last puppy class is tomorrow. We've got perfect attendance, but I don't think she'll be the valedictorian. After that, I'm planning to drop her off at Grandma's house, for a couple of reasons.

A) Grandma has been bugging me to let her puppy sit,
B) Spending one or two nights with someone else will probably be a good learning experience for Maddy, and
C) IT'S GRAND OLD DAY on Sunday. Daddy needs to stand around with 200,000 other sweaty Minnesotans and swill beer, listen to Disco, and eat some Pronto Pups.

Reasons A) and B) are the overriding factors, of course.

Finally the sun came out yesterday, which was nice because I had to road-trip it to Albert Lea to pick up my mom (who was driving back with a friend from New Mexico after a few days in the desert). The moonroof down, tunes blaring the whole way down. Fantastic. I had the seat of my car littered with unmarked 'mix' CDs that I'd made, so I kept popping them in one at a time, not sure what to expect. Fun. And today looks to be even better -- mid-70's, no wind, and lots of sun. Finally.

Amazon is trying something new -- Plogs. Your Amazon.com Plog is a diary of events that will enhance your shopping experience, helping you discover products that have just been released, track changes to your orders, and many other things. Just like a blog, your Plog is sorted in reverse chronological order. When we think we have something interesting or important to tell you, we'll post it to your Plog.

What is the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? 24 miles an hour. Here's the science. Run away, run away...

The world's tallest virtual building.

Audrey Hepburn the most beautiful woman? No arguments here.

This is so stupid. Now smoking on film might garner a movie an R-rating. Mindless violence is still okay, though.

Oh, and get ready for lots more reality TV programming this summer. Screenwriters and TV writers are bracing for a strike.

One of my favorite movies of all time (probably THE all time favorite) is screening tonight and tomorrow at the Oak Street Cinema -- Wings of Desire. I'm going to try to make the Thursday night showing.

Hmmm. The Rance mystery blog may have been solved. Sadly, it's not somebody famous.

The single man's guide to TV dinners. Mmmm.

Interesting. Howard Stern could become an important voice in this year's election. So could punks.

What do you get when you mix up all of the words on a bottle of Rolling Rock? Poetry.

Man freed from jail after 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' validates his alibi.

Rainy days and automatic weapons get me down*

Very wet weekend (actually week is more like it). Rain, followed by more rain, and a house that increasingly is starting to smell like wet hound, which is actually an improvement.

I spent the weekend finishing lollygagging around doing something close to nothing. For reading, I finally finished Huxley's Brave New World, and then read the latest issue of McSweeney's cover to cover. I was so impressed I renewed both my McSweeney's and The Believer subscriptions for another year. Good stuff.

I also spent some time making a few music mixes for the car. Check out the free .mp3 of Ratatat's Seventeen Years. (download).

For movies, I checked out The Cooler and Kill Bill, Vol. 1. Big thumbs up for The Cooler, but I'll have to see Vol. 2 of Kill Bill before I can render a judgement.

And that was pretty much the weekend. In other news...

That was very foolish, Mr. Bond! Is there anything thing this guy CAN'T do (albeit poorly)? Hassel the Hoff wants to play a Bond villain.

'Cuz girls, they want to have fuh-hun! Yeah, that's all they really waaaa-ahh-aAHHHHHHNT. sppphhhhtt. Uck!

Apparently they don't have copy editors at Variety magazine.

WWJD?

* I had a T-shirt that I used to wear in high school that said this. If a kid were to wear that same shirt today, he'd probably be expelled... Brave new world, indeed.