Random thoughts from my Vegas weekend.

• The casino at Circus Circus smells like cough syrup. Cherry-flavored cough syrup.
• Sigfried & Roy's Secret Garden isn't really that secret. Hell, they've even got like a dozen signs directing you to the spot.
• Red Square at the Mandalay Bay opens at 5:00pm daily. Be the first in line, belly up to the ice bar, and order a Russian Mary. Then get another. Rinse, wash, repeat.
• The elapsed time from setting foot on the casino floor to getting propositioned by the local talent: less than 90 seconds.
• The elapsed time from getting propositioned by the local talent to realizing that it really isn't a compliment to your Rock Star good looks. About 5 minutes.
• Snippet of conversation: "So, what did you guys do after playing poker at the Excalibur last night?" "Uh, we went out with YOU." "Really? Oh... Oh yeah."
• Can I down 2 liters of beer faster than a former Division 1 lineman? Decidedly yes.
• Number of times INXS' "What You Need" was played: 1
• Number of times I did the pirate dance to INXS' "What You Need": 1
• My hotel room rocked! Top floor of the Aladdin, with a window view that overlooked the fountains at the Bellagio. Sweet.
• Good karma. Before I checked out this morning I thought I'd finally splurge and put 5 bucks into a slot machine. The casino has these E-Z changers around, so you can break a $20 down into smaller bills. I put in a $20 and out popped a $100 bill along with 4 $5's. After a brief conversation with the angel and devil, I told the staff about the snafu. Three minutes later I had several security staff hovering around me while I explained what happened. They called it in over the radio, and this is what I heard coming back: "He WHAT?" "So, he's giving it BACK?" (PAUSE) "What a guy!" Actually, I felt pretty good about that. Vegas didn't totally corrupt me.
• If you rub my belly at the craps table, yes... I do bring good luck.
• How much did I gamble? Pffft. You know better. I probably dropped a total of about $25 bucks into slot machines to kill the time. I walked away with about $60. That's the extent of my gambling. I ain't lost yet, so I must be a winner.

All in all, it was a great trip. I met up with Tony and Pete, two of my pals from high school. We don't get together that often, so it was great just to hang out with my brothers and just be me. I've known both of them since 3rd grade, and it doesn't take more than about 4 seconds to pick up the relationship. Easy to take for granted sometimes, but when you can escape from your own issues for just a weekend and remember who you were... who you still are... it's pretty damn nice. Sometimes I get a little self-conscious about who I'm trying to be (hence my absence). But, with these guys, you can't really pull any punches. They KNOW me. And no matter how different we are now, that counts for something.

Sometimes you're luckier than you realize.

Anyway, I'm back.

myprontopup.com will be on hiatus for a while. I probably won’t be gone for long, but I’m only going to write when I have something to say. Today, I don’t.

So, until then, have you a very good life.

If lady luck deems to smile upon me in Las Vegas, I know where my first stop is going to be: Screenused.com. For a mere 2000 bucks, you can get The Dude's bathrobe from The Big Lebowski. Or for 2400 smackeroos you can be the proud owner of Happy Gilmore's hockey stick putter. I mean, that's like an investment, right?

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

Inappropriate toys for children.

Napolean Dynamite director Jared Hess brings the same kitschy aesthetic to The Postal Service's latest video.

Bad Hair Day

I got my hair cut yesterday, which I really didn't need. You see, I'm trying to grow out my hair. Just a bit. Not pony-tail wearing long, but longer than what I have now. Currently it's in transition -- that awkward little phase where it's too short to do anything cool with, but too long to look... cool. But, I still want a cut, just to keep this Ringoish mop semi-manageable.

First step: the washing and conditioning.

Amy, my stylist, walks me back to the shampooing station and there, lo and behold, is one of the strangest sights I've ever seen. All 8 shampooing stations are occupied by students, with each washing a HEAD in their respective sinks. Like mannequin heads. No bodies, just heads. In all of the sinks -- macabre soapy heads.

I wait for a moment while one of the girls totes off a head and makes room in the center of the row. I take my seat, lean back, and Amy starts sudsing me up. Now, picture this: A guy getting his hair washed in the middle sink, while surrounded on either side by women all uniformly scrubbing decapitated heads.

I just relax and enjoy. After a couple of minutes, as I'm getting towelled off, some dude walks back, ready to take his turn. And he does a double take. Maybe a triple take, even. I mean, you should have seen the expression on his face when he saw all of the heads, with just me (the lone torso in the group) in the center sink. The look was priceless. I couldn't resist looking over at him and saying, "Trust me, you're gonna want Amy for the haircut... If you know what I'm sayin'..."

Then I stand up, crick my neck dramatically for the benefit of Mr. Blank, and make my way back for the actual cut. This is a usually a labored process of me trying to sit still (not easy) while Amy talks about how she just looooved 'Meet the Fockers'. But I endure. When it's over, she decides to apply some new 'product' they have. It's some weird stuff called Control Granules. Granules? Kind of a misnomer, really. It's actually a powder, and you apply it to your melon like a salt shaker. White dust sprinkled out.

Once there was a decent coat of powder on my head, she asks me how I want it. I think for a moment. "Make it... Rock Star!"

"Rock Star it is!"

Amy rubs the powder deep into my skull (a process, according to Queer Eye, called "jsuzzing"). She jsuzzes the hair up, down, to the left, to the right, stand up, sit down... You get the picture. It takes a while to jsuzz the hair into juuuuuust the right position, but there it is. We both agree. Yes. Indeed. Now I look like a rock star.

I leave and walk out the door, now ready to tackle the next project for the day -- grocery shopping.

I stop off at the Rainbow on the way home, fill up my cart with all sorts of impulse purchases (Pomegranate juice? Hell yeah I need some Pomegranate juice!). I continue along, adding one useless foodstuff after another, until I get to the frozen food section and catch a full-on reflection of myself in the ice cream freezer door.

Rock Star? What the hell happened to Rock Star? I distinctly remember seeing Rock Star back in the salon mirror.

The reflection showed something entirely different. While the "hair" portion of my appearance vaguely had a Rock Star quality to it, the rest of the image was lacking. Here's the thing: In order to pull off the whole Rock Star look, one must (apparently) have a Rock Star face, Rock Star body, and Rock Star clothes. Now, technically I have these qualities (face by => Ozzy, body by => Meat Loaf, clothes by => John Cougar Mellencamp circa 1982). But, Rock Starred-ness seemed to be elusive. Instead of Rock Star, I was staring at a man who, how can I say this in a PC way, looks... affected. Like the kind of guy who needs a helmet to navigate grocery stores.

And now, it starts making sense. The way that older lady kept looking at me and smiling proudly as I fondled my pomegranate juice. She was thinking, "How nice! For someone like that to be able to shop... all by HIMSELF..." Sigh.

I try not to drool (still fondling the pomegranate juice) while I checked out. Then I went home, took a shower, and re-jsuzzed myself into a Polka Star.

Well, I think the cold snap has finally ended. It's been sub-zero here since about last Wednesday. Yesterday morning I woke to a balmy -11 degrees, but that was downright tropical compared to Embarass, MN which set a record at -54 degrees. And that's NOT factoring in windchill. Brrrr.

So, after it warmed up to ZERO, I took Maddy for a quick romp up at the dog park, and then took her to the salon to get a beauty treatment -- bath, nail clipping, ear cleaning, tooth brushing. She didn't need a bath so much as she needed some pampering. Being stuck inside with ME for almost 5 days straight -- with very few breaks. Hmpff! Poor kid.

Speaking of... I wonder if Maddy and I are starting to look alike.

What time is it?

Some guy writes a very creative essay on Oedipus. (Do not click if you have an aversion to profanity, adult themes, or wickedly stupid humor).

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?



Kip Dynamite
Cool. I guess I get this new job then. Time to make some sweet moola with Uncle Rico...

Well, after spending the past several days cooped up inside thanks to the frigid temps, I finally decided to book a little trip. I'm heading to Vegas in less than 2 weeks.

A couple of my high-school friends are going out to play some poker, so I thought I'd tag along. Neither of them were featured on on my video from last week, so I probably won't get beat up. Probably.

So, now my question. What should I do in Vegas? Bear in mind I don't really gamble (I've never played so much as a hand of blackjack in a casino), and I'm only going to be in town for 3 nights (Thurs-Sat). Of course, I want to do the rides on the Stratosphere. But, what else?

Any suggestions?

Hey Vern!

Well, today brings us to the conclusion of our video series. Today's clip is essentially the "video" we did for our chemistry class. Now, we were supposed to make a science-related film to show at our annual student expo, and we actually did have a shooting script. Well, to start with. But it stunk and it was boring, so I think we kind of spiraled off the page and just went all freeform towards the latter part. I think the scientific word for it is 'entropy'; Inevitable and steady deterioration of a system or society. Kind of sums it up.

A few words about the production value (which is admittedly awful). First, we had no real equipment to do this. Just a big clunky camcorder (which we recorded everything on) and then it was edited by dubbing to a VCR. There was no ability to do anything other than really crude cuts. And second, the sound and music was all being played off a boombox and picked up by the camera's internal mic. So that too is pretty awful. So, that's why (a-hem) it looks so bad. Yeah, that's the ticket. It was the equipment's fault.

Since I will likely receive a severe beating at my next reunion, I hope you all enjoy it.



Chem 86...

Oh, just a follow-up.

Hey 'Idiot dancer' -- we soooo have to do this.

Feb. 1st at First Avenue -- the auditions for the new lead singer of INXS.

We've got the moves, man. Come on. You know we do.

We've got what they need...

Subject: why why why

That was the e-mail I got yesterday, from a certain 'dancing idiot' who was trying to bribe me into taking down certain 'embarrassing video'. My reply: Not a chance!

Welcome to the internet, buddy. Oh, and guess what he's doing these days? Working for a company that manages nuclear power plants. You know, helping ensure that nuclear power is safe. The 'dancing idiot'... nuclear power plants...

(shudder)

I might not be able to go to sleep tonight. Or ever again.

Anyway, here was MY idea. What do you say we try to get this 'dancing idiot' to make a new UPDATED dance video. Just the two of us, like the old days. Kind of like one of those VH1 'bands reunited' shows. Would that be cool or what?

Many of you just said 'or what', didn't you? Pffft!

Anyway, the final installment of my horribly awkward high school video should be available tomorrow. No more dancing in this one. Now, we get SERIOUS!

Self-flagellation week continues!...



More spectacular dancing, this time wearing an ascot. Or is it a cravat? Whatever. It still looks stupid.

When I was seventeen...

I'm anxiously awaiting for this year's Macworld Expo announcements, because I think that will seal my fate to get an iMac. Editting video with a PC is a royal pain, and I'm just about at my wit's end. (Hmmm. Not even sure if my wit has an end?) Oh well, I'll be daydreaming about it for the next couple of weeks, I'm sure...

And yes, more craptacular video will be available by tomorrow, and then I'll hopefully have another clip available by the end of the week.

In the mean time, how's this for stupid? Fox has rejected an ad for the Super Bowl offering a rare view of another celeb: Mickey Rooney's backside.

Pffft! That's all.

Ahoy!



Before myprontopup.com, I was... the dancing pirate. Yar!

(And this isn't the worst of it... I'll have more geeky video later this week...)

Well, I've got a project for the weekend. I got a e-mail from my buddy Tony with this link, and he reminded me of some of the videos we used to make in high school.

Unfortunately, I don't have the tape where Tony is getting all 'old school' to the Beastie Boys, but after some rummaging in my basement, I did find an old tape that a couple of us did for high school Chemistry class in 1986. Sorry Tony. I think McNerlin has (had) the tape of use 'fighting for our right to party'...

So, who wants to see some video of me dancing around in a pirate outfit?

Check back Monday.

(In the meantime, crank up the volume on your PC speakers and annoy your coworkers with this Napoleon Dynamite soundboard).

Sure, wouldn't you know it. As soon as I get XM radio, MPR goes and does the unthinkable. They're getting ready to launch a truly "indie" radio station at 89.3, or at least that's what I hope. Remember the old Rev105? Brian Oake? Mary Lucia? Well, it's going to be like that (or so I hope).

Adventurous music lovers whose tastes range from Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" to the current buzz band Arcade Fire will find a commercial-free haven next month on the former classical radio station WCAL... Minnesota Public Radio (MPR) announced Thursday that its new station will present a diverse musical mix targeting "listeners who have grown up in the digital generation" -- read: younger ears -- with an emphasis on local artists such as Mason Jennings, the Replacements, the Olympic Hopefuls and the Jayhawks.

Two promising signs. First, they signed Mary Lucia to be one of the DJ's. (Mary is Paul Westerberg's sister)... And second, they're soliciting input on what the "first song" should be for the debut. This is a hands down, NO BRAINER -- as many of the posters suggest. It will be, I predict... LEFT OF THE DIAL. It just has to be.

Gotta get my stuff done.

And, if you've got 17 minutes to kill today, watch Farm Sluts.

by Don Marquis

New year's resolution

Nah, not falling for that again this year. Bah! Well, I suppose have one mini-resolution, but it's so vague I doubt I can declare failure come Dec. 31. I'm just going to be more engaged with the things I really like.

To start with, I'm going to continue my film education. I've been on a big movie kick lately. And trying to stick to good movies. Over the weekend, for instance, I lapped up The Triplets of Belleville and Napoleon Dynamite and re-visited Amelie. Those are the type of movies I should be watching every week, so I think it's time to purge my Netflix list of all the totally crap movies I currently have out there. Buh-bye, Ashton. I'm going to start loading up on foreign films instead. My friend Ann, the filmmaker, has been loaning my a steady stream of French films, and almost without exception I get to the end and think, "Why didn't I see this earlier?" Ann also has this 5-minute test that I've be reflecting on: If you found out that you only had 5 minutes left on this earth, is THIS what you'd really be reading/watching/doing?

I've clicked off Viva La Bam twice already.

Today, I'll be digging into a reading of my friend Dan's latest screenplay, which he just finished. I've been hearing the bits and pieces of it for over a year, so I'll finally get a chance to start with the 'FADE IN:' and read through to the 'FADE OUT:' in one continuous burst. It's about... nah, can't give it away. You'll have to shell out the $7.50 like the rest of us schmucks once it gets made into a movie.

Let's see. Hmmm. The latest issue of The Believer arrived in the mail the other day, which includes a DVD with a selection of short films. I've been slogging through both the reading and the videos. It passes the 5-minute test.

So, no earth shattering changes expected for the new year, but I do hope to gradually progress to a more enlightened state. I have some projects in the back of my mind that I hope to get started on, but you'll have to wait to see if I actually follow through with any of them.

Procrastination's a bitch.

One last thing -- here's a funny bit from Dave Barry on 2004 in Review.

A New Year!