Blink. Blink. Yawn.

Well, sleep hasn't been a priority around here, but I think everything is pretty much set with my new house. The offer's been accepted, and I just finished the inspection yesterday without any surprises, so it should be good to go. Closing is on July 27th.

So, here's the new Casa de Como.




Cute, huh? Oh, and guess what street I'll be living on? Simpson Street!

D'oh!

Pretty typical weekend, mostly. Went to the dog park. Grilled some brats. Rode my bike. Bought a house. You know, the same old stuff.

A-hem. Yeah. I bought a house.

I've actually been quietly looking for sometime now, but for about 2 months there hasn't been anything that fit my rather stringent (and odd) criteria. But, on Friday -- a new listing popped up. Looked at it both Saturday and Sunday, and last night I made the offer (which was accepted).

I'll have more details later, but if anyone's wondering...

My new house is 2 blocks from my "old" house. 2 blocks closer to the fair...

I close in about a month, so I'll actually have the new place before this year's fair.

Oh, and one last thing: (And mind you, this had absolutely nothing to do with my decision) It also has an 8-person jacuzzi spa on the deck in back.

12 days of the state fair x 8-person hot tub = ____

I'm not the greatest at math, but I think that works out to something good.

I'll post a picture once I get through the inspection phase...

Whew.

Top 100 movie quotes of all time. The fact that it omits "Big hitter, the Lama" and "It goes to 11" makes this list totally irrelevant to me.

If you liked The Triplets of Belleville, you'll probably like this -- Le Building.

Will Ferrell as Neil Diamond.

This is a stick up! Give me all your money! Now! Respectfully yours, Thomas Mason.

This looks like great fun -- the official David Hasselhoff paper airplane.

Oh man, it must be the heat (it was in the 90's yesterday). When I clicked on this, for some inexplicable reason, I just lost it. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. And I'm not sure it's even that funny. Well, it was yesterday. Tom Cruise Kills Oprah.

The Kansas School Board sure opened up a can of worms with this whole 'intelligent design' position. Er, can of spaghetti... Actually, a spaghetti monster to be exact.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia.

The Onion in year 2056.

Totally sweet. An interview with the project manager of the Minnesota State Fair, James Hamilton.

SM: Do you think that the State Fair is more about cultural heritage, or do you think that most people come for the food and/or kitsch value?

JH: There's definitely a serious side to the fair. Just like mullets, for all ridiculousness of heads of carved butter, miniature goat competitions and the SPAM recipe contest, there is someone who takes it very seriously.

Um. No comment.

Is Iowa's Pork Queen an Endangered Notion? Another common criticism is that the contest excludes young men... "My guess is a young man is not going to want to serve as a witness for the pork industry riding on the back of a car in a parade, wearing a sash and waving," Soo Greiman said.

Hey, speak for yourself.

Kitchen myths. And surprising expiration dates. Oh, come on. Peanut Butter lasts longer than 9 months. Gulp. I hope.

Flow chart of a James Bond movie script.

100 movie titles named after songs. 3. Can't Hardly Wait -- 4. Left Of the Dial (documentary about Air America) -- Obviously screenwriters listen to lots of Replacements.

Well, duh.

Polaroid-o-nizer.

McSweeney's as a second language.

Thak, the most organized member of the party of roughly 70 people who originally settled North America and

an episode of Start Trek tediously written for an audience entirely composed of remote Amazon tribesman.

Perfect Summer Day

Almost 90 degrees yesterday -- blue skies, bright sun... Perfect.

For Father's Day, my dad came over and we went to the Stone Arch Festival of the Arts for a bit. None of the art really did much for me, so I took some pictures instead. And, even more amazing, I abstained from taking pictures of all them goofy Minnesotans. Well, except for the attack ducks. I had to take a picture of that.









That's it for today. Move along.

Optical illusions. Don't go here if you have a head-ache. Trust me.

Ahhh! What the... Goofy scandinavian bands who all dress alike. Anyone care to guess what my ancestry is?

What happens when some guy tries to steal from the pocketbooks at a beauty salon? Mmm-hmm. Curling iron smack-down. Blalock's Beauty School instructor Dianne Mitchell says, “Oh, I put something on him baby. He wasn't coming up out of here and telling nobody he robbed us and got away with it."

Triumph the insult comic dog interviews some Michael Jackson supporters...

May the funk be with you... DJ Daft Fader.

Office pranks.

Well, I'm in for another interesting weekend -- it's that time of year again. The Back to the 50's Weekend over at the state fair grounds, where over 10,000 street rods (no, that's not a typo) all decide to park about 5 blocks from my house. I might have to go over and check it out, because it looks like we've got the best weekend forecast of the (summer?) so far... mid 80's and sunny all weekend.

A Room With A View

Ah, I'm finally untethered. I recently got a wireless cell phone modem doo-hickey, and I've been testing it out. With this addition to my geekpack, I'm not ready for a truly 'mobile' office. So, to give it one final test, I set up 'shop' in Como Park yesterday to see if I could actually work.

So, here's my new office. I have cell phone service, an internet connection, my iPod, a comfy chair, a pup at my fee, and a great view.



Of course, this was mostly a 'proof of concept'. I can't really work like this every day, but it's nice to be able to set up shop anywhere.

You know, like the state fair...

A guide to famous people's less famous internet sidelines.

I watched the first 2 episodes of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" last night. Man, what the hell happened to the lead singers of A Flock of Seagulls and Loverboy? I mean, when the Loverboy guy was singing "You want a piece of my heart?" I was just thinking... Cake! You want a piece of cake, don't you? Admit it.

Scary. And I ran.

Actually semi-useful information -- 50 writing tools.

Snippet of conversation from an ex-coworker at lunch yesterday. "Well, you don't have to be dead to have a brick, you know?" I like that phrase so much, I'm trying to find a way to use that in some other conversation. Actually, I'm kind of hoping some telemarketer calls. Hello, sir, how are you today? Well, you don't have to be dead to have a brick, you know! [click]

Some goof re-designs the TGI Friday's menu and distributes them around the country. It takes a lot of... FLAIR to do that...

And lastly, have you seen the new Paris Hilton ad for Carl's Jr.? Well, see if you still want a burger after watching this.

I wonder what the weather's like out in L.A.? Hey, let's ask David Lynch.

Quentin Tarantino's signed up for a new movie - Beverly Hills Cop IV.

Beverly Hills Cop IV???

Interesting. Before he was the famed film director, Stanley Kubrick was a star photojournalist for the chicago Tribune. Good stuff, Maynard.

The BBC is releasing a free version of all of Beethoven's symphonies on their web site.

And, to start your Monday morning off on just the right note, check out Daily Dancer. I am Daily Dancer, a computer geek who loves to dance! Every weekday morning, you can watch me dance to a different song. I particularly like how he improvises lobster claws from an oven mitt and a baseball glove in Rock Lobster.

A character, a prop, and a line

Last weekend was the twin cities version of the 48 hour film festival. Basically, you get a genre, a character, a prop, and a line -- and with only that, you have 48 hours to write, film, and edit a complete short movie.

This year's contest had the following parameters: a character (D. Poe, runway model), a prop (balloon reading "Congratulations") and a phrase ("Do you have a breath mint"). All of these elements had to be in the final entries.

Since I'm in kind of slacker mode with the summer and all, I decided to take the challenge (okay, just the writing part). So, this would have been my version -- Love Depot. I envision it as sort of a love story, had it been written by Samuel Beckett. Oh, and if Samuel Beckett had a degenerative brain disorder. And if he were writing it for a Calvin Klein commercial.

Whatever. It's pretty unpolished, and I've thought of fixes, but I kept my time limit to 24 hours. Don't bother pointing out my grammatical gaffs and some of the chocky bits. I'm leaving it unfiltered to keep with the spirit of the contest.

But, it got me thinking. This could be a semi-regular little project for me. So, if you want to participate, just give me a character, a prop, and a line, and if I'm inspired by any of the suggestions I'll see what I can do. Don't (read DON'T) give me any settings or plot lines or more detail. Just a character, a prop, and a line.

Got it? Good.

The Adventures of Action Item... Professional Superhero.

Change the expression on this French guy's face.

Remember all of those stories about how if you played "Stairway to Heaven" or "Another One Bites the Dust" you'd hear an evil message? Well, now you can listen for yourself.

Think different. Dress up Steve Jobs like a pirate. Yar!

Today's flashback brought to you by Rhino Records

Retro videos from Rhino... I was just shamefully watching some old videos from Leo Sayer and ZZ Top and DEVO and INXS and Huey Lewis and... Then, low and behold, at the bottom of the list there were even a couple of old Paul Westerberg videos. Ah, a good place to waste some time on a Monday morning...

Um, okay hold on, I'm having trouble steering away from this site. Super flashback time. I just checked out the Talking Heads "This Must Be The Place" video, and it reminded me of the first piece of furniture I ever bought -- an old lamp similar to the one in the video. In fact, I bought it specifically BECAUSE it looked like the David Byrne lamp. I got it at a second hand store back in high school, and I think I paid like $10 bucks for it. Even though I thought it was pretty cool, I had roommates in college who referred to it as my human skin lamp, because it did have a funky lamp shade material. I wonder what ever happened to that lamp. Hmmm. I seriously don't remember.

Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller) had a little girl -- Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette -- on Friday. "We chose her middle name because when she's pulled over for speeding she can say, `But officer, we're on the same side,'" Jillette explained. "`My middle name is CrimeFighter.'" And you know what? I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she DID get out of a speeding ticket someday because of that name.

Like video games AND modern art? Well, try Pac-Mondrian. Also, Do you know your Dada from your Moma?

Obvious. Brain Scans Of Those In Love Nearly Identical To Those With Mental Illness. No, you're schmooopy!

Joe

When I got back from the dog park yesterday, I went out to water the flowers in the front yard when my neighbor Gerry came out. "Brian?..." I turned, and she just stood there for a moment on her front steps. "Joe died yesterday."

Joe was her husband of 48 years. He was my neighbor. He was the guy next door that would say, "Hey, Maaaaad-dy!" when he'd walk up to his back steps. I guess he'd been having some problems with his leg, and last week they did some tests at the hospital and determined that he needed a bypass operation. He stayed in the hospital for a couple of days, but before his operation he slipped away. The nurse came in to check on him, and a few minutes later he was gone.

I didn't know Joe all that well. Small chats, friendly waves, a nod here and there. A typical conversation would go like this:

- Hey Brian.
- Hey Joe.
- Looks like it's gonna be a nice day out.
- Yep, I think so.
- Okay then.

That was about it. They've been perfect neighbors. I think my last "conversation" with Joe was about 2 weeks ago. It was a nice evening, and I was dragging my grill out of the garage. Joe was just coming out of his garage and noticed my steaks.

"Atta boy!"

I gave him thumbs up, and he walked into the house. That was the conversation.

Sigh. It only hit me later in the day what it's going to be like not seeing him every day. Nobody to cheer me on when I grill. I'm sure his wife, his children, his grandchildren, and his friends will all miss him much more. Still...

Bye Joe.

Okay, fess up. Who else watched Beauty and the Geek last night? It's my new favorite show I think.

Speaking of: I hope somebody turns this into a cologne.

Pickup lines; the first draft.

I'm getting sick of my hair again. I mean, I'm not sure I'm ready to have long hair. Lately, it's been more Phil Spector than Bo Bice. And that's not so good.

It's going to be over 80 and sunny today. Time to hit the dog park! Seacrest out!